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So I really thought I was doing better.  I starting seeing a therapist.  I’ve taken to exercising again.  And I am drinking MUCH less to numb the pain now.  I still thinking of him all the time but have been managing to function in a productive way.  It’s been 2 months since we separated, 1 month of no contact, his decision, he blocked me on everything.
He’s been back in town for one month now, and deep down I thought he would reach out to me, give me some sort of conversation.  He showed so much empathy when we were together but now he feels nothing for me, he must feel nothing.  He cheated, he lied, and he abused and used me.  He stole my life away, my future over night with what he did.  But no I haven’t heard a thing from him.
His best friend contacted me today to say he had seen my BPDex on Monday and asked if I wanted to have a drink and he tell me what he said, my heart just sank.  He won’t tell me what he said says he will tell me when he sees me, but I know it won’t be about me.  I feel he is going around town making amends with everyone except me.  I was the one who suffered, I was the one who supported him emotionally and financially, through all his threatening suicides and tears.
I feel like I am nothing to him and now I hear he leaving tomorrow, and when he leaves I know he will never return.  I am painted black forever.  The pain is excruciating, real physical pain.  This man has made me feel our love was fake, the deepest connection I have ever felt was fake.  Why are they so cruel?

Hi JustNeedToTalk,

I am so sorry for your pain! It sounds like you gave a lot to this relationship and I know it is unfathomable when someone who said they loved us seems to be so cruel. Some people are not able to love in a healthy way. He likely did love you, he just has issues that made the expression of that be full of pain. I dated a guy once who seemed so great and seemed to love me so much, and then he was suddenly gone. It was shocking and painful and haunted me for years. Knowing what I know now though, I did not know about BPD traits back then, I would do much, much more to get myself to a better place much more quickly. The questions about his behavior ate me up for a long time. It was so confusing and painful.

Find your answers, make them into mantras, and use those as replies to your inner struggling for answers. This may help you with managing the pain. You cannot avoid the pain but you can learn to manage it and with time it become smaller and smaller.

You have a lot going for you! The therapy, the exercising, cutting back on drinking, etc. All of that is super and something to be proud of!

Do you still have things you want to say to him? Will you say such things to your therapist instead of to him?

wishing you peace, pearl.

I am so very sorry, but take comfort in the fact, the wonderful people on here, know what you are going through.
The way I deal with this, is to see my ex, as a 5 yr old, with all intents and purposes, that's who they are, they live in the moment, and can't take responsibilities for their actions, and like a child, once you are gone, you are off their radar.
It's an illness, keep that in mind, and nothing you could have said, or done, would change the outcome.
We loved them, in a healthy, nourishing way, they will never experience that, and I would rather be me, than like that.
My therapist once told me, the pain we are experiencing now, they are constantly trying to avoid, it's so sad.
Stay strong, you are doing fine xxx

Can you elaborate on that quote? Do they not feel that pain then? Are the attempts to avoid it successfull?

Whether they manage to avoid it or not, the permanent tought that's coming is a pain itself to them. It's always there, they just try to avoid as much as possible trough other means.

Their pain, is from abandonment, or what they perceive as abandonment, real or not. It's a paradox, they crave love, as we all do, but love is a trigger.
I believe they feel very intensely, and take great measures, consciously or not, to protect those feelings, and it plays out in their erratic behaviour.
I hate You - don't leave me.
They avoid the pain, by jumping into another relationship, where the whole scenario is played out again.
Research core wound of abandonment.

From what I researched, I did find websites where women and men who were BPD spoke from their perspective regarding a relationship, and it did help me understand their behavior. The more they meant to you the more extreme measures they take to cut you out of their life, and the faster they move on. Cluster B people, Borderline, Narcissist, etc, besides being born with it as it can be genetic, came from horrible child hoods, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, they were not taught how to love in a healthy way, and they were not taught to understand empathy, or compassion, or that even though you end a relationship or have rough times, you still treat the ones you love the same way as when you first fell in love. Falling in love is the closest two human beings can get together, it's like your souls are intertwined, in a healthy relationship you love each other through thick and thin, and even when it ends, you still love and want whats best for each other, but in the mind of a BPD, when they feel that deep connection it triggers their abandonment fears, and they expect you to leave or they will leave, and since they were not properly taught to process the pain of loss, or grieving, or even conflict in a relationship, they handle it like the emotional maturity of a child. Because that is what they are, children in adult bodies. When you tell a child that they hurt you, how do they react? They can't process it, they get mad and lash out, when you scold a child or discipline them what happens? They say they hate you and run to their room and slam the door. But when you have an adult with a child's mentality, there is constant turmoil in their psyche, they can actually have a psychotic break, and split their personality, I have seen it happen with my ex, when she raged at me, it was like it was not her, but some monster. When they go into that mode, they no longer see you, they see something that is hurting them and they must be rid of it, but the pain doesn't go away, because the core cause is the childhood trauma they suffered, which is brought out whenever they are under severe stress. Sadly the ones closest to them who had no part in that trauma pay the price. In time they may look at us differently, there are people on here who have heard from their exes months even years down the road and try to make amends. They take that pain into every relationship, and it just gets worse over time without treatment. They do feel regret, and they do eventually realize the cause of their actions. But they can't process the pain they feel like a normal person. I loved my ex with all my heart, and I know she loved me, even though it was unhealthy, she did feel a love for me that was in some ways real. As people say the more you meant to them the more they rage, and my ex raged at me more than any guy she was with, I actually tried to her into treatment, I knew something was not right with her, and I tried to tell her, but she could not face it, her family did not support her, they only enabled her, I think that is probably why she raged at me as much as she did, because when they feel they have to face that issue inside them it scares them for than anything. She split me black, labeled me a stalker, went into a rebound, even had the new partner contact me and threaten me, she did everything she could to get rid of me, and I guess that means she was unwilling to face her issues. The mask came off, and I was split black. End of story. They truly are tragic creatures of the human race.

Hi, I have so much more I would love to say to him.  Not in argumentative way.  We were so close.  We talked about everything.  And we believed we would make it.  The night before I discovered his cheating and everything else that came along with it, he looked me in the eye and said "I love you so much it hurts".  And then the next day nothing, like I was nothing.  Tears, mirroring my emotions, showing his shame, and then a few hours later almost ecstatic telling me he must have wanted to get caught as now he feels his life can begin.

The weeks after constant emails and texts telling me how awful and I am how I would have never been enough for him, calling me saying disgusting things on unknown numbers, saying I would take him back in a minute and everyone called me mad.  So I outed him and his betrayal (not just his cheating) to everyone... .and as a result he was abandoned by all his friends and family (not just because of what he did to me, many things he has done to them too), driven out of our city.  And now I feel guilt, shame in what I did, but I had no control at the time, I wanted to show him that I wouldn't take him back.  I was scared at the things he was saying to me.  It was like he was in a manic state, at the time I assumed he was bipolar.  But the truth is I probably would take him back.  I hate saying that but it's true.

I was in a relationship for 16 years that ended and only this one for one year but the pain of this separation is so much more.

How do I accept he will never be back.  I will never even have meant enough to him to have a conversation.  

He said to me once and even after the break up "I'm broken but I'm worth it, I don't want to lose you, don't give up on me" ... .

The more they meant to you the more extreme measures they take to cut you out of their life, and the faster they move on.

I hope this is true... .but how will we ever know?

We will never know 100%, but their actions do speak for themselves, my ex told me she loved me right up until she was in a relationship with someone else, and after that I was split black. These break ups are the most hurtful because you never get closure.

Here is a blog from a woman who is BPD:

Being someone who is diagnosed with BPD, I feel like I could help you. Please note that my thoughts are based off of my own personal experiences, which may or may not apply to your ex and all of my predictions of what caused her to do all of these things are based off of if she actually does have this disorder. She may not have this disorder and all of the things I'm guessing may not be true.

She moved on so quickly because the emotional pain after the breakup was too much for her to handle. She thought that she could get rid of the pain she was feeling by distracting herself. This is a way of coping, which I have also done many times in my past. Getting a new boyfriend, moving, partying, etc are some of the many different ways that seem to be most effective when trying to distract someone's thoughts.

She acted normal and loving towards you when she saw you because she didn't want to make you think she was affected by the breakup. "Fake it until you make it" is an excellent quote to describe this situation. She chose to act like that because she thought that if she pretended to feel a certain way that eventually she would actually start to feel that way. She most likely knows that the breakup upset her massively, but she doesn't want to let herself accept it because it hurts too much. She also may have wanted to hurt you, making you think she didn't care and was perfectly fine even after all of the events that had occurred because she was the one who ended the relationship. She also may have thought that acting like this will make her get your attention.

People with BPD experience emotions intensely. This basically means that she will overreact every emotion she feels. When she feels even the slightest bit of happiness, she is 'I just won the lottery' happy. When she feels even the slightest bit of anger, she is 'I just found out my best friend slept with my current lover' angry. When she feels even the slightest bit of sadness, she is 'this is the end of the world' sad. Do you understand what I'm saying? The breakup most likely affected her so massively and she is only acting the way she is because it's her way of coping.

Another symptom of BPD is having low self esteem. She may think that she is not good enough for you and she may also think that you deserve better. Reassurance is the key to making me stay sane in a relationship, but I absolutely hate asking for it because it makes me feel attention-seeking. I would let my self esteem kill me because I never wanted to ask for reassurance every time I needed it, which was constantly. No matter how many times someone will reassure them, people with BPD have a very difficult time actually accepting whatever is being told to them because of how low their self esteem truly is. If a day went by where my boyfriend wouldn't tell me something reassuring to me like "Baby, I wanna see you" or "I miss you so much", I would immediately start to believe that I did something wrong or he didn't feel the same or he was going to leave me. It drove me crazy, and it still does.

Impulsive actions are another trait of BPD. She may have FaceTimed you because she could have been missing you more on that particular day and she didn't give it any type of second thought. She probably immediately regretted it because she felt vulnerable, which is why she blocked you again. She thinks that cutting off all communication and association with you will help her ignore the intense feelings. Also, getting a new boyfriend or any other distraction can be an impulsive decision. In the moment, I will be all over the idea of whatever impulsive action I am taking part in. Being impulsive helps me forget all of my struggles and feelings and worries and makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, which I'm guessing is the same for her, which is why we do it. Risky behaviors are extremely distracting, which is what I like to look for when I'm upset. Please know that she has been more upset or emotionally damaged after the breakup which is causing her to participate more in these impulsive actions.

It seems like she thinks she knows what she is doing and what she is going to do, but she really doesn't know what's happening or what she is really doing at all. She seems unknowingly lost.

Whenever I was in a similar position to your ex, I thought that everything I was doing was right and that it was helping me, but it was only making my emotions worse. I would take part in some really stupid things because I wanted to forget about what had happened in my past. I remember I dated someone I didn't even like after I had broken up with a guy I was truly in love with. I only did it because I thought it would make me feel better and that I absolutely needed to get my mind off of my ex. I ended up regretting everything later on, which made me act even crazier because I felt I had nothing going for me. I felt nothing. I was careless. I didn't give a f'ck about anything or anyone or myself or what I was doing and who I was hurting or anything. I didn't feel real because every emotion that I was feeling was so strong. Whenever I was hurt, it was unbearable and I wanted to ignore it as much as I could. Whenever I was happy, I wanted to keep it going for as long as I could. I was desperate to feel happy because whenever you experience happiness when you have BPD, you get off on it. It's like having your best orgasm and winning millions of dollars all at once. And honestly, who doesn't want to feel like that all of the time? I did similar things like your ex. I would call my ex and tell him I missed him but then I would automatically regret it and tell him I actually hated him and never wanted to see him again because I felt vulnerable and weak when I confessed what I truly felt. Feeling vulnerable and weak definitely affects my self esteem because I like to be viewed as a strong person. I thought that cutting him off even when I missed him and still wanted him would turn me into this person that I wanted to be.

Coming from a female with BPD, I hope this may have helped you understand.

I had the same thing, seeing her for 15 months, right up until she started cheating she was still very lovey even tho we were fighting here and there about her being so self absorbed at times or everything was on her clock so maybe becuase I finally couldn't just keep jumping when she wanted me to she got over it but the night before she cheated we were really good and everything normal. She never admitted this but knew when something had changed and was being devalued. As it went on I questioned and knew was cheating but she lied, gaslighting me, saying I'm crazy, paranoid, insecure. Then we agreed it was over and slept together one more time. After that what do ya know she's with new bloke up she blocked me and cut me out totally never to speak again since I went off about it and knew the truth. When I was emailing her I also got email from new guy threatening cops with harassment if I didn't stop. He would been told I was crazy and said I was stalking? Not sure if knows what stalking is. Now she says they are soul mates! Weird I was her soul mate just months prior and love of her life.

Do BPDs tell all new victims they are soul mates or have a deep connection like no other?

They seem to replay the same relationship dynamics over and over like a script, right down to telling the guy or girl they are soul mates. They do have a very predictable pattern of behavior. Which makes sense if we remember they have the emotional maturity of a child. Kind of sad.

It appears that way! I was more told we have unbelievable connection and sexual chemistry like never had before, said soul mates once or twice and love of her life. Weird how said love of her life and then cheats and walks out like I'm nothing weeks later. She said I was abusive one at end, of cause blaming me for everything.

I don't know about all of them but mine certainly did, she also told previous people the same.


Yes I was called the abusive one and blamed for everything, she seems to have conveniently forgot all the abuse she gave me.

I feel the same here, you are not alone!

Mine suddenly dumped me after more than a year talking about how happy we would be, talking about marriage, travel the world... .and sure it was the deeper connection I´ve ever had.

One day, I dind´t answer her a text about an exam she dind´t do as well as she usually does (she was preparing for her final medicine exam, and she doesn´t know hoe to deal with failiure, so I was always supporting her and cheering her up) as I hadn´t my phone on me, she got mad as I never saw her, saying that I failed her and I wasn´t there when she needed me, and not caring at all about all the other times I´ve supported her, saying that time I wasn´t there and that was the only important thing.
Then she started acting different, few days after told me that sthing inside her has changed and wasn´t feeling the same, dumped me and started acting really mean.

So you are not alone. We all here have gone trough some similar situations.
I can feel you. All this betrayal, hate, sadness, this feeling of being used and cheated, that everything you lived, which was the most true and intense relationship you´ve ever been into was nothing at all to your partener... .Is really hard to cope with. But you must keep going. There is no other way at all.

Oh yeah! When mine started cheating and I was confronting her about lies and what didn't add up, she was aggressive, gaslighting, saying I was crazy, I shoukd even be grateful that she even rang me to explain a situation when said I know yr cheating. Lied lied, bs bs and said crazy, paranoid, u make sh*t up in your head. Then final email when we were done and found out more she said I've been crazy for the month and that I don't believe her truth. That I am NOT right about her cheating and bla bla.
What's crazy is while she was writing this she surely has to know she is lying? I found out when started seeing this guy went back couple weeks even more then when I thought it started. They rather believe their lies or they are to stubborn to ever admit.

But yeah before that it was I'll always love you forever, best sex ever had. Deep connection bs. Oh no wait... I've found a replacement! I'm done with u.

The guy left me for... .Wow... Downgrade not that I will judge but everyone been shocked. Already reading that u might find BPD leaves u for person that could be in a unfulfilling marriage... What do u know he was in marriage breakdown, one night on drinks and it's on.

Is it known that a lot of BPDs may have drinking problem? This chick drinks way to often and often goes bit strange or uncontrollable once had few to many. Couple wines can't even txt very well.

Do BPDs tell all new victims they are soul mates or have a deep connection like no other?        

Based on my STBX, I'd say yes. When I met my STBX, he told me we were soulmates, and, truly, I felt that way. I felt as if we had unfinished business to address with one another, and there was a reason we were together.

One of the things that had bothered me when I first met him was that he'd written and written and written about this woman who had broken his heart. He loved her madly is what he wrote. He seriously wrote close to 500 pages about her. I chose not to be jealous because, as I told myself, his r'ship with her was in the past. Still, occasionally I'd feel bad about how much he loved her and how he still seemed not to be over her.

What he told me eventually (one of the few truths he ever uttered) was that he'd simply gone on a few dates with her and had sex with her a few times, but she broke it off saying his pathology combined with her pathology would be disastrous.

Fast forward to his leaving me in Aug of this year. By the middle of November, he had found the love of his life (his words about her, his words about me when I first met him). She was the woman of his dreams. He made plans to take her to Paris for Christmas, just as he'd made plans when I met him to buy an island in the Pacific (not completely out of his financial reach).

He ramped it up with her (I read the texts he sent her and her responses). Before Christmas, it was over, and he is now writing about her, just as he wrote about the woman who'd been such a muse before I met him.

I had a revelation, as a result of seeing what happened with this latest woman: Both she and the one from before broke it off very quickly with my STBX. He didn't have the chance (the time?) yet to paint them black. In his heart or mind, especially when he's dysregulated, they will always be painted white. They left before they could do anything that would change his view of them.

I, on the other hand, was with him for ten years; he found a lot wrong with me.

Personally, I think pwBPD are the cruelest people I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. My experience with my STBX has soured me on anyone with a personality disorder and the psychiatrists who "treat" them. My opinion, you can't fix personality with a crapload of meds, which is how the various MDs attempted to treat him.

Changing personality traits requires a willingness to address those traits head-on and do the work required, and based on my experience I don't think pwBPD have it in them. I think they are deeply flawed and cruel, and I hope never to have to deal with one again.

TMD

Most don't want to change, spesh if they have npd traits on top of it which I am convinced my ex did. She actually said she was going to theripst once and she never went back! But that could been a lie since year and half of our rel with a lie and I only know what I liar has told me.

It's weird how they tell each one you are love of their life or deep connection/soul mate. This must be the ploy to suck the victim  in quickly. It worked on me! I did feel like we had deep connection, more then ever had with anyone. Best sex too! Almost feel won't ever find that again. But when she turned and cheating and found new person, I saw the evil that she really is. She seemed pretty good at hiding it most of time just things here and there but at end just callus, no empathy, didn't care what I thought, she said that when questioned her, I was now just harassing her and she would call cops if need be (same girl slept with me only 7 days prior) she went downhill fast and blocked me on everything and never replied again. Playing victim to everyone she can. I am crazy one! I tell u what though when they are cheating and leaving u but lying about it, u feel like u become crazy! They make sane ppl feel crazy. So sometimes I almost believed her. But then I remember I wasn't like that before the cheating and lying started.

How u last so long I dunno! Mine last in rel for 11 years before that and I think he was way more submissive and put up with her moods and let her do own thing when wanted. She likes that Coz she can cheat without being caught. But because I wasn't submissive after year she didn't like that and I was onto the cheating straight away. This new guy is punching above his weight and she would think she's better than him and that he will jump when she says jump so they might last a lot longer but it won't be without cheating. I dunno if all BPDs cheat but if they are prone to cheating I think they always will.

I relate so hard to this. Especially the no empathy and complete callousness after they are done with you. I was looking for answers too. I think for me I got them. And if I hadn’t I think I would be feeling even crazier. When we seek to understand at the end I think we really are looking for answers. Anyway, I’m sorry you must be feeling what I am feeling.

Did yours cheat and leave you for another?

As far as the cruelty part, and the repeat of behavior, I think that goes back to their inability to process emotions or situations like a mature adult, with a mature emotional state, we have to remember they are like children in adult bodies. When a child is mad they lash out, they fake cry, they say they hate you, but you know it is coming from a child so as a mature adult you don't take it personally, they are just kids. My ex faked cried like a child, I don't think I ever actually saw her cry for real in the two years I knew her, thinking back all her behavior were that of a child, right down to arguing, and throwing tantrums. Some things she would always say to when we argued was " I am just trying to tell you how I feel, why won't you listen to me". " You are so mean, all I want to do is tell you how I feel". And that sounds like something an immature person or a child would say because they are so determined to be heard. Like you have to drop everything your doing and give them your undivided attention. So it is like having two personalities in one body, a child's and an adult. Even our last conversation before I went no contact, was very weird and sort of immature. She would say I was being so mean and I was upsetting her, that she met someone and he was so wonderful, he is what she has been missing all these years. A mature adult would not share that information with an ex, it is very over the top and dramatic behavior. So again we have to remember they are not adults in the emotional sense, more like a 5 year old. And it is even worse when they split you, because they are literally reverting back to their childish state where all the trauma started, which explains all the horrible behavior, and the lashing out, the false accusations, the cruel words. An mature adult with a healthy emotional state would not act that way. My ex was cruel, more cruel than I ever could imagine, made my ex-wife look like an angel, and she has narcissistic tendencies, it brought me to my knees, literally, but I have to keep remembering that she is mentally ill, and they really don't understand the consequences of their actions when they split people, maybe later on in life, but not at that time. Oh and the repeat of behavior could also be related to their childlike state, whenever a child gets a new toy, look how they react to it? It is always the same, I love it, I love it love it love it. Then they get bored with it, or the toy is broken, they whine and cry and want a new one, then the new one comes and that toy is their world yet again. Look at children in general, they all do in their own ways have a pattern of behavior that seems to repeat itself, how they learn, how they talk to people, treat people, how they eat, sleep, dress, how they play with their toys, and they repeat the same pattern every day of their child hood, but as they become adults they learn to mature, and do things as an adult, so the pattern of behavior changes. In the BPD state as they are emotionally in a child like state, they repeat the same pattern of behavior as a child does. If you actually think back and remember your exes quirks and behavior, you mind relate it to that of a childs, how they ate or how they dressed or slept, or went through their daily activities, even how they worked. It might surprise you, it surprised me.

Weirdly my ex from a professional point with her work, she has great job, high earner so I always thought she will be more mature, she is few years older then me. Boy was I wrong. Work wise yes very focussed though not sure she's as good as she makes out from what I hear but good at tricking ppl but she does know her s*it.

So I guess thinking she's this 35 year old, settled, good job person it was good start and turns out she's most messed up!

Has anyone else's BPD partner appeared happy and lovey with them up until u notice a change all sudden and find out they were cheating and goin to leave u? Seen people say they jumped into new rel after the break up but my ones pattern is more sure she has new supply first and then if it's all good then she's ready to flick u but lie to u about why she is ending it.

Anyone else notice when their BPD/npd partner is cheating and moving on that their personality has changed? Last time saw her it was like speaking to someone I didn't even know anymore. Perhaps this is them mirroring the new person.

  My exGF is one of the most succesul person I know. Top of her class in colege, they made her the president of the students league, a guy from a big Association for training students made her her main trainer and recently some guy made her manager over her night club. Basically every person that knows her kinda looks up to her.

  Regarding hapiness the patern is the same: when they reach a hapiness spike or become extremely stressed they all of a sudden lose interest in you. Mine did not cheat, but immediately broke-up with me and ran with the other guy. After a week or two she comes back wit hthe tail between her legs. While she's with the next guy i splitted black while the other guy becomes "god" for her. If i even tare talk about him, a monster unleashes towards me.

 

I'm not sure with mine. She seemed happy, we just got back from few day trip. All lovey talk. Goes out on the drink for work thing few days later and cheats and contiues this path with her next "soul mate" distances herself from me with lies and bs and then it's over and ends very nasty with hate and no comms ever again! So random!

Do alot of BPD/npd have drinking issues? She drinks bit to often and when she has even few she loses total control.

I would like to hear more details. She left you and never came back or she did this more than once? How long was you relation with her?
 Regarding the drinking problem the aswer is mostly yes. They do drink a lot as a way to escape the pain inside them. When the alcohol is not enough to help her escape the pain, then more destructive things apear(unprotected sex, drugs etc)

She cheated on her bf with me and then same thing, she use to pull away sometimes few days then come back. Then she seemed pretty good for few months and lovey and had couple trips. We had fights as she is very self absorbed, never apologised much or at all without a battle for things. She then went away for work and this man was apparently in marriage breakdown. Starts cheating but telling me she is just busy with work and need to chat less in day but each tine we spoke about why she seemed to be pulling away she gave me same excuses and said everything is OK. Bigger fights started Coz knew she was lying, gaslighting me, projecting. I got I was paranoid, insecure and crazy and then last comms had was blaming me for everything and calling me all the things she did! Now she's with new guy. Still never admitted those months ago but I found out truth other ways. She blocked me on everything and never spoke again. Spesh after saying I was harassing her when I was in rel with her I thought and questioning about the lies! But this was harassment apparently.

I'm sorry to hear about cheating part. You had some rough times.
 I do seem to find 'cheating' a common trait among BPD girls, yet somehow mine did not cheat... tehnically. Telling someone that starting 'now' we are done, so the next day can meet the new guy is still a big problem that might count as cheating aswell.
  Regarding the truth/lie subject... .here we have different opinions. When i've asked her the right question i got the truth. If she found any flaws in my question, she will exploit them for the answer. (ex: Is there something more between you and x or y->'There is not' // Is there something more between you and x->'there is'.  The main problem is when the relation is over. 95% of her words are lies. Even confronted she will refuse by any chance to admit; she even gets insulted when called a liar, even after I've just proved her she just lied.

I found out later she lied about stupid stuff throughout our 15months, things don't even need to lie about. But the big main lies were clearly being done when she was cheating. Where she was, what she was doing, why things didn't add up ect. Got angry when confronted but still to the last day even when I begged for the truth as I said I know anyway. She got angry and wouldn't admit it and said I was crazy.

You may find if she started a new relationship that quick that the new person was already around. I didn't even know how far back this new guy was around! Can be ultra sneaky.

Mine did the same thing with new partner. That is when I got a dose of the mirroring. He is very immature, obnoxious, and arrogant. In our last conversation she talked and acted just like him right down to the grammar and figures of speech. She also has been acting this way on social media and towards her family and friends. She is now more bitter and angry than ever with people. And as someone had mentioned alcohol use, my ex has increased her alcohol consumption since our break up, the new partner is an alcoholic so that could be a combination of the mirroring and her increase in impulsive behavior. And yes she is a totally different person than the one I knew. Personality changes are a common trait with BPD.

They have a feeling that a break-up is iminent so the first thing  they do is to prepare someone in the line. After they find the guy, they start the depreciation to make sure the brake-up happens. You get splitted black, the new guy comes to save her and she runs away with him.
  The only thing you can do once this cycle happens is to play the triangle right and be careful not to fall into the "agressor"; actually you have to take no place in it at all... just stay in the midle of the agressor-savior-victim. She will turn the "saviour" into "agressor" and she will come back to you and split the other guy black. Her guilt and feelings will surface and she will crawl back to you.There's a great tutorial on the site regarding the triangle.

Oh I'm not sure she will ever come back to me. When I knew she was cheating and lying and then blaming me, she kinda did make me crazy. I didn't do anything crazy but I did send fair few txts and emails going off and bit abusive in them but more about being batrayed and lied to and u know just angry stuff. She never replied. But she knows how angry and cut I was. Never admitted a thing or apologised. Just played victim to everyone and said I was crazy. So I am not sure if I'd ever hear from her again. Unless they are that tapped it doesn't matter how bad it ended they will still try? I dunno...

Yeah I heard what the new guy was like and she seemed more like that. Never seen anything like it before!

They are way too good at the role of the victim. You can't compete with them. I know it sounds dumb but the best you can do is to plain ignore them/cut every contact with them. They will always blame you, and if you start a argue with them they will aways win.

I have with other exes. I realized that I am drawn to cluster B women due to my codependent personality. It's always the same. I saw one ex become a raging drug addict after I left her. Arrested several times. She is the most low functioning pd I was with. Couldn't even hold a job. Once they start their downward spiral it usually doesn't end until they hit rock bottom and even then they may not snap out of it. Do you have any contact with yours?

I understand that. My ex tried triangulation several times. I since learned not to react to anything she does. She was very direct with it in the beginning of her new relationship, but it has since died down. Once in a while she will do some subtle triangulation just to get my attention, but again I just ignore it and show indifference. I know through word of mouth their relationship is already past the honeymoon phase and her BPD is out in full force so it's only a matter of time before he is split black like the rest. One thing I find as a bit of poetic justice is that he shows narcissistic tendencies. They seem to feed off each others dysfunction. Even down to the relationship dynamics of both. Idealization, devaluing etc. And throwing in alcohol will make it one seriously toxic relationship. Karma at its best I'll say.

She cut me off in December so haven't spoken since anyway. Blocked me on everythinf and that was becuase I was onto her.

well... i got my justice 2days ago(didn't asked for it but it still came).
 So after 2 and half years  shebreaks-up and leaves me for a random guy. All of a sudden she is madly in love with him. After a week she plans to move to england with him etc.
  She points to my face several times that if they f@#k that's not my problem since the 2 of us are not together anymore(and same goes for telling me the truth), even tho I didn't asked or wanted to know anything regarding this subject.
  Few days pass and she tells me how awful this guy is to her + that she found out he is having sex with her ex while she is away and lied about many things to her('and she doesn't accept lies at all'-funny that it comes to her since after we broke-up all I got was lies and more lies).
  She leaves for her hometown but meets with me first(she needs it for her Ego... to be the one that dumps and ignore him, even if the guy actually "dumped" her already). The following words came from her mouth while crying: "I don't understand why those thins keep happening to me... what did i do wrong to suffer so much?"   

  Funny for me to see the roles being switched and basically seeing her going exactly trough the exact same moves she did with me. They never notice their mistakes, what they hurt and it's always about their feelings in the respective moment and not caring about consequences. Kids... .

I agree karma does come to us all. My ex used me for my money, stole my belongings, demonized me after the break up, labeled me a stalker, and threw her new partner in my face. Makes her relationship look so perfect on social media. Acts like they are so in love. But as I found out through mutual friends, it is not so perfect. He is hardly ever around unless he wants something from her. Never spends time with her daughter. She planned a huge super bowl party which he never showed for, blew her off for Valentines day, when they go out he usually only takes her to trashy bars and gets drunk, so she has to do the driving, but of course if you look on her Facebook they appear to be happily in love. He is a narcissist himself, and he love bombed her and manipulated his way into her life, and now that he knows he can treat her like krap and she won't break up with him, he will still keep doing what he is doing. Sooner or later karma will get you. It may not mend our broken hearts, but it does give us a small sense of satisfaction for all the damage that caused in our lives.