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I don’t have a problem with being alone. I can handle myself and certainly can find plenty to keep busy.

Where I struggle is that I’m an extrovert and even if I’m alone I enjoy conversing and sharing with others. Life is so beautiful, why wouldn’t I want to share some things with a special someone?  I’m not talking oversharing a ton of personal items I’m talking about sharing cool “moments”.

For example if I’m out and about and I see a beautiful sunset, I’d like to take a photo and share it with a note asking if they saw it as well or that I wish we were together.

If I see something or read something that I know would make the other person laugh, I want to share it.

There are so many of the “little things” that I haven’t been able to share with anyone for so long. I enjoy them for myself sure, but I’m finding that I long to share them with someone else. I used to be able to share them with my wife but it’s been years now that even a pretty photo of flowers sets off a diatribe of how much I sucked.   It’s like she just vanished on me, I know there’s hope on the horizon if I can get through the divorce.

Just feeling a little bummed out right now.

Share it with us brother

it sounds like you have a lot of love to share, ozmatoz.

and it must be pretty stifling to feel that you have to keep it to yourself.

id echo TheTruth in encouraging you to share them with us here. everyone here can use some sunlight, or a beautiful sunset.

additionally, how are things with friends and family? it helps to have a variety of different folks and outlets to share those things with.

I do!  I hope someday I will find someone willing to actually accept real love.

Until then, yes i’ll find a way to share. Maybe a good topic for a new thread. “Share the love”  thank you TheTruth and OnceRemoved.

i know exactly how you feel. You miss having that connection, that number 1 spot for forwarding something you found, or realization you made. It why i had ventured out to start dating after so long when i encountered mine (not the best person to start with, like unintentionally starting my fighting career with may weather has as my first opponent).

Share here, with friends, fam, your whole support group. That special person will come along and then share with them too.

Good luck!

and if your wondering what its like to want that connection, then suddenly lose that shared connection after getting it after so long, my story:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?PHPSESSID=211523845842f0029aec5faeafee7508&topic=321313.10#top (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?PHPSESSID=211523845842f0029aec5faeafee7508&topic=321313.10#top)

I can relate to what you're saying Oz.  I've felt very much the same way at different times in my life and still occasionally do now.  It's nice to share something that gets an emotional response from us, whether that be sadness, joy or a really good belly laugh.  Just to take a slightly different slant on this.  At one point it dawned on me that perhaps some things really are just for me.  If you can think of them that way, it can help.  Sometimes it's like a private gift that is meant only for us.  Soak it up, absorb it and fully appreciate it. 

An example for me was a of couple weeks ago.  It was snowing and I took my S4 ice skating.  We went on the tram and as we were waiting on the platform, his hair was glistening with little droplets from melted snowflakes that had landed on us on the walk there.  His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling with excitement.  I took a couple of pictures to share with family and friends because he just looked so happy and cute with his hair all over the place and wrapped up warm with his woolly hat on.  The pictures were beautiful and really captured what I saw in him.
 Pure joy.  The next morning he managed to get hold of my phone and accidentally delete a bunch of content, including those pics.  I was gutted.  I had really wanted to show people this wonderful moment when he was just bursting with joy at the day, the snow, the fact we were going on an adventure and having a laugh together.  But they were lost.  Until I realised that the moment was just for me.    Nobody else.  I can still picture him in my mind looking that way and remember how I felt.  It filled me up.

Love and light x

That is an awesome story, Harley Quinn.  Thank you for sharing it, and you've, of course, illustrated a very valid point by doing so. Special moments can be enjoyed solo.

Also, 4-year-olds... .


-Speck

I feel the same. I CRAVE connection with others. Not just spending time with them, not a fix for being lonely (I enjoy my own time), but CONNECTION - the deeper and more emotional the better.

We are human, and we are social creatures. We want to feel connected, a part of the world, loved, accepted. We want to matter, and like the though of someone missing us.

I understand completely and have struggled with similar feelings. I have found that it isn't the "big" moments that I miss about having a partner, but all of those small life moments when you want to turn and go "isn't that neat?" and know what someone is with you experiencing it too.

I have tried to use those moments when I am feeling wistful to motivate my healing. Because I very much want to be in a place where I can open myself again someday and find the person with whom I can have that again. But healing... .I have a lot of healing to do.  :)

I do find myself sometimes taking those pictures and throwing them up on Instagram or Facebook. It doesn't quite have the same feeling, but I do still get that sense of sharing something cool with my "tribe".

This really struck something in me. The most painful part of the last couple of years has been the craving for intimacy. It feels like the hangover from years of faux intimacy; or sentimentality dressed as love. This craving has pushed others away, I'm sure, and I recently understood that I'm just not ready for a real relationship yet. I'm still frightened by not really knowing what one is. I think they were all abusive. I feel the craving, and perhaps it's the part of me that still can't heal and nurture myself. When I can enjoy the sunset and allow myself the happiness and stilness around it, I'll be there, and ready. Some day.

Hi ozmatoz,

Yes. I miss sharing precious moments with someone... .I saw some Easter candies and decorations in the store the other day and I suddenly felt this deep sadness of not having anyone to do nice things for or get any comfort or nice surprises in return from. It doesn't matter to me what the holidays we celebrate are, but just having holidays and special occasions, a chance to build memories... .that is tough to go without. But I say all this still, apparently, maybe, having a partner... .though that could change any day now... .For all I know I am broken up right now!

Do you like to make things nice for yourself? Have good friends to share good times with?

with compassion, pearl.

Hi Oz,  I will echo what others have said and encourage you to share here.  I love sunsets

Last months, even after years i say it to so many people i know.
Its not only the pain from missing someone. The acceptance that after almost 11 years someone can abandon you without any sign, reason, explanation.
It's also this, no soul mate to share.

My wife just vanished 4 years ago, but long timers here know the story. It took me long time to figure out where she was, but no contact.
What couldnt i share with her, i write to you instead;

- my own struggles with seeing her in so much pain and sickness.
- the pain of my daughter moving 8000 miles away a few months after wife left., only saw daughter once since then
- not being able to be on daughters wedding
- the sudden death of my (our) best friend who i knew for 45 years
- the sudden death of another (our) friend who supported me greatly after she ran away
- losing my job after 38 years
- the aggresive alzheimer from my mother, moving her in a facility
- my father drinking himself into blackouts since my mom is gone and the hospital visits
- the marriage of my son
- the birth of my grandson
- the pain she caused, the pain of letting me get rid of all her possesions, the pain of starting legal procedures against my own wishes, my love for her and my beliefs. (it was handled as a missing persons case)

I am still standing, but shes in my brain. I wish it would go away. I so much need anaother soul mate, but how can i start something new when i still love someone who maybe never exsisted. How when in a spiral like this ?



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