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Title: Do pwBPD continue to emulate you after the relationship is over? Post by: The Cat in d Hat on February 20, 2018, 07:09:19 PM Hello everyone, tried to search past topics and forum but couldn’t find any direct answers so wanted to ask this question. (If there is one that answered these questions please post a link, ty)
-After they leave you, do they retain anything they mirrored from you? (Likes, disklikes, habits, traits) -And if so, it a factor that you were split black if they retain or not? -Any other reasons they would retain or not retain? -Would a higher functioning one, or one who’s aware something is wrong, or one who felt she needs to find herself follow the same rules for mirroring or retaining said mirror? Thanks in advance guys, just trying to get a sense of mirroring attribute. Title: Re: Do they retain things they mirror from you? Post by: valet on February 20, 2018, 07:24:14 PM I'm not sure that there's really way to give broad answers to any of those questions. I'd say the answers would vary by individual.
Here's our workshop thread on mirroring (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58298.msg543691#msg543691). Maybe it can offer you a bit more insight! Title: Re: Do they retain things they mirror from you? Post by: The Cat in d Hat on February 20, 2018, 07:32:41 PM I really just needed a general gist of mirroring, as is it just a part of idealization for acceptance/attraction . Or does it have any lasting elements, like they keep pieces to build themselves, or just hold on to parts they like even when they’ve moved in to another relationship.
Title: Re: Do pwBPD continue to emulate you after the relationship is over? Post by: Skip on February 20, 2018, 07:45:44 PM We all emulate (mirror) others in all relationships. We are all a collection of styles that we saw in others and adapted for ourselves. The only significant thing about this with BPD is the degree.
Title: Re: Do pwBPD continue to emulate you after the relationship is over? Post by: Maxpax2011 on February 20, 2018, 08:03:39 PM Hello everyone, tried to search past topics and forum but couldn’t find any direct answers so wanted to ask this question. (If there is one that answered these questions please post a link, ty) -After they leave you, do they retain anything they mirrored from you? (Likes, disklikes, habits, traits) -And if so, it a factor that you were split black if they retain or not? -Any other reasons they would retain or not retain? -Would a higher functioning one, or one who’s aware something is wrong, or one who felt she needs to find herself follow the same rules for mirroring or retaining said mirror? Thanks in advance guys, just trying to get a sense of mirroring attribute. My ex never retained anything she mirrored from me, she just went on to mirror the next guy. However her mirroring with the new guy was more extreme right down to the way he talked. Very strange. Title: Re: Do pwBPD continue to emulate you after the relationship is over? Post by: tiki on February 23, 2018, 02:08:11 PM I once read a pwBPD say that they feel like a collection of stitched up identities. So I would guess keep. But maybe everyone is different.
Title: Re: Do pwBPD continue to emulate you after the relationship is over? Post by: once removed on February 23, 2018, 02:45:53 PM try turning the questions around. it will help make sense.
after youve left a relationship (yourself or the other person ended it) did you retain some of their likes, dislikes, habits, or anything you discovered you liked during the relationship? i did. never had chinese or japanese food before i met my ex. love it! i got my ex into a number of bands. she still listens to them. if so, is it a factor that the relationship ended badly? it certainly can be. me and another ex had a lot of "our songs". after she dumped me, i never wanted to listen to them again. we all do this. maybe, for example, we discovered tennis while with an ex, and played it a lot together. maybe after the breakup you dont ever want to play tennis again. or maybe you just lose interest. or maybe you play a ton of tennis and join a team. or maybe you introduce it to your next partner, and you both grow to love playing tennis together. the answer(s) completely depend on the person, the circumstances, the associations. Title: Re: Do pwBPD continue to emulate you after the relationship is over? Post by: Gemsforeyes on February 23, 2018, 03:36:13 PM My guess would be it depends on who they take up with next and how strong that person's belief system is. My BPD BF was sort of a bigoted right wing guy when we met and that was NOT going to work for me! So he did a complete 360 (or 180) and he is now, or so it seems, a tree-hugging liberal who embraces all races, cares about people of all backgrounds (including the poor and disenfranchised), seems to understand the travails of the working class, and engages in conversations around these issues.
He even spoke to his mother about her voting choice! Will he maintain these values when we part for good? Heck if I know... . but he knew I wouldn't be with him if he espoused what I considered to be hateful viewpoints. And even when he rages and hates me, he still maintains my political views! Gemsforeyes |