BPDFamily.com

Hi,
My girlfriend has BPD and we are in a long-distance relationship.  The first month of our relationship was going great, then came a day where she said she just needed some alone time. I thought she meant just a day at first but then we talked two days later and she explained that she meant a week.  Well, the week passed by where we really didn't talk, but apparently, she had stuff going on so she really never got alone time. Then it came out that she felt like she was under a lot of pressure so that she was trying to get away and sort everything out. Now it is to the point where she says that it is uncomfortable to talk with me and I feel like we are on the verge of breaking up.  I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what to do.  Her Mom and Sister have been trying to help me out and they gave me this website, but I am still not sure what I should be doing.  I read the post "Is your relationship breaking down?" and I feel like this is the fourth stage of it, but I still love her and don't want to lose her.  What advice can you give me?

Hi Nightfury777:

I suspect your post hasn't gotten replies, because you posted to a "help" area that doesn't get much traffic.  You might want to place a similar post in one of the relationship threads.

Long-distance relationships are tough, even when mental health is not an issue.  Did you have an exclusive, committed relationship with her, or were you in the early stages of dating? Was your relationship primarily over social media, or did you meet face-to-face for regular dates?  Can you think of any situation or disagreement that occurred just before she indicated she needed "alone time"?  Perhaps something stressful happening in her life?


When someone is struggling with something and asks for space, it's best to respect that request and to take the pressure off.  Sometimes, people just can't handle a romantic relationship, during various times of their life.  Best to give her some time.  Wait a few weeks.  After some time, perhaps you can get in touch in a casual way (perhaps email or snail mail), just say something like, "I'd love to hear from you, when you are ready.  I've been thinking about you and hope things are going better for you".

When people are pressed into something they aren't ready to handle, it can push them away permanently.  Give her some time.  In the meantime, you might want to spend some time on the "Bettering Board" and check out the lessons and suggested communication skills. 

Hi Nightfury777,

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. Have you heard from your gf since your post?

Did something specific happen, such as a fight, that may have caused her to distance herself?

Thanks for yall's help, but in the end it didn't matter. She broke up with me and I think it might be for the best. I didn't want it to end but I can't make her stay if she doesn't want to.

I'm sorry it didn't work out. WE do have boards that can help you work through the hurt of the relationship ending if you want to process things.

Nightfury777:
I'm sorry that things didn't work out.  I think you are right, in that many times when things don't work out, it ends up being in our best interest.

How are you doing?