BPDFamily.com

Not sure if in the wrong section, so my apologies in advance. Just want to help anyway I can.

What are your thoughts on getting this or similar guides to help your partner? I know I would since they are aware of their diagnosis but there might be consequences. Thoughts anyone?

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1936268868/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1 (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1936268868/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1)

If you don't want to click the link, its basically a 365 diary for people with BPD and its a form of tracker.

Description:
"Use the Planner to consistently track and report on your journey to healing. It's a journal that helps you keep everything in one place, and keeps you focused on where you are and where you want to go. Start on any date with the monthly, weekly, and daily calendars designed to help you plan for success as you practice skills and make a commitment to daily self-care."

Only if they were 1) agreeable to considering a diagnosis/had been diagnosed 2) willing to engage in DBT or other therapy, accepting that at least part of the drama and unhappiness comes from within them.

completely depends.

even if shes aware of her diagnosis, and wants your support, its a gift that could be interpreted as "i want you to change or be better".

the two of you are recently back together, do i have that right?

No we are not together atm and have been NC for 2 months. She has me blocked atm and Im trying everything i can to stay NC and give her space to miss me. She is trying to better herself. Im just thinking of possibilities of showing her I care when that time does come, in which we go in contact again, or something I can send to her as a gift a couple months down the road. I did send her a couple videos of BPD the other day on facebook messenger (that helped me understand) so she can be a bit more aware it. And of course I gave her a sincere and validating message that i was in shape or form blaming her for anything just wanted to let her know Im here for her and she shouldn't hurt or feel alone.

Looking back now maybe this was a mistake. She does want to get better but doesn't know how. 

i think it would be very risky to give her were the relationship to reconnect. thats a very fragile time, and its usually best to stay away from heavy stuff (i would consider anything relating to BPD or the relationship "heavy stuff" and focus on keeping things light, upbeat, and fun.

Did I mess up then based off the my post prior to yours? I feel like I may have created my own grave by sending her the messages of BPD now.

i wouldnt do it again, especially if shes not receptive to contact. plenty of us have done it, or worse... .its unlikely that alone would be a grave, nothing to do about it now but go forward.

Once Removed,
Thank you so much for a positive answer. I want to do everything I can to learn this stuff and show her she's not alone.

Just had a chance to look through this on Amazon and had the thought "I might get this for myself!"

One thing I've been really trying to pay attention to are the BPD "fleas" - the habits or thought patterns I picked up from being in a relationship with someone with BPD for a long time.

Now, I've been seeing a therapist in a DBT practice myself and she's been helping me with some of this, but it's becoming more and more clear to me that I must evaluate where the fleas are showing up in my life. I'm no good for anyone if I don't get back to a place of emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness.

It sounds like you really desire to reconcile and provide support (I hear you, I've tried everything it feels like). We talk a lot on here about self-care and self-inquiry, especially if we are to become permanent, stable caregivers to our BPD loved ones. A lot of the DBT skills are helpful in learning to do this. And, if things don't work out for us, it's even more important to learn these skills, especially if we might have picked up some fleas in our relationships with folks with BPD.

I'm not suggesting you buy the planner for yourself necessarily, but since you are out there researching resources, I wonder what things you've found for yourself? Care to share?

Good luck and don't beat yourself up,

-L

I'm of the same mind as others here.

If you do get back together, I think the gift would be seen as a slap in the face.  If after you are back together a while and there is a motivation within her to improve and she gets into DBT, it'd probably be a good item to buy then to show that you are supportive of her efforts.

Yes - if she's like "I wish there was something that could help me"  it'd be good. :)