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Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.

I have had a bad couple of days. I got a disconnect on my electric for a close to $2000 bill, which I can't pay. Had to work with electric company. Got an extension on the disconnect. Maybe things will be moving along by then? Hard to tell.

Last week I forwarded mail to STBX; his new address is on the electric bill.

So today his L told my L that STBX emailed him that I had broken into my STBX's internet account and changed the security question. His L then said I was to immediately stop breaking into his internet account or he'd be forced to get a restraining order. F*** this.

There is a part of me that now wants to start lying about stuff my STBX has done. However, that's really not necessary since the stuff he's actually done would sink him.

It really bothers me though that my STBX can so easily lie and his idiot L can so easily believe him.

I told my L that my STBX had better be able to prove what he said I did, which he can't because I didn't do it, and I told my L that I am fine not forwarding mail. If my STBX doesn't want it, that's cool, I'll simply send it back to PO: NO LONGER AT THIS ADDRESS.

Lord, please let this be over soon.
TMD

Hi TMD,

Sorry that you've had all that to deal with. It's frustrating that even when we take steps to break free the dramas can still seep through. You've handled this well in only speaking to your L. As you said, without evidence the claim amounts to nothing. Protect yourself from being triggered by his actions by viewing them for what they are. He may be hoping to get a reaction from you. Would the allegation or anything similar be detrimental to your legal position?

Love and light x

Hello, toomanydogs:

Wow. Being lied about regarding legal matters has got to really be beyond frustrating. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

Just thought I'd pop in to let you know I hear your frustration, and hope that your ex doesn't take it any further.

Hang in there!


-Speck

My ex wifes lawyer stood in court and lied about me refusing to let my sons see their half sister. She told her lawyer that I had said if I wasn't allowed to be present then they couldn't go. The truth is that it is what she said and I had the text to prove it. The court wasn't interested in any of it or who was at fault.

I had so many lies and accusations told about me. The good news is that the more they make the crazier they look. Best thing I did was to not rise to any of it. My lawyer at first believed her but by the end she saw through her and would roll her eyes when another accusation or demand came through and say "here we go again".

Don't try and justify yourself for each accusation. Just deny it and move on. You can compile or your evidence disproving it and have your lawyer present it in one big hit. Something along the lines of "during this case my client has been accused of ... .Throughout the case she hasn't reacted but I feel it is time to set the record straight. Here is the evidence disproving all of these claims and I would ask the court to expedite the proceedings that have been slowed down by these false accusations as my client wishes to get on with her life as soon as possible".

Thanks Harley,
What his L wrote mine is that 1) this could interfere with the settlement process, and 2) he'd have no option but to get a restraining order on me. So from STBX's L's perspective, yes. It infuriating that my STBX lies and more infuriating that his L is stupid enough to believe him.
If it comes to it and I have to get nasty, I will bring out my "arsenal" of STBX's online persona, which is built on lies ranging from his being a child prodigy (seriously he wrote that) to his maintaining his father and I are thieves.
I will also bring out all those videos I have of his tormenting the dog, filming those young teens, and his screenshots of scat porn.
My position as this point is if he is well enough to divorce me, he is well enough to take responsibility for the lies he writes. He can't hide behind his mental illness, "Oh, this is just my illness taking hold." BS. Unfortunately, his P feeds him that idiocy.
I thought about STBX's actions, and I'm wondering, since we are about to go into settlement negotiations, if this could possibly be his attempt at trying to break NC, possibly to get me to engage with him. Won't happen.
I want out. I want far far far away from this man.
TMD

Thanks, Speck. I kind of excel at hanging in there.
TMD

Good to know about your lawyer. I was upset with mine yesterday that she'd even ask me. She emailed me: "TMD, what's going on?" Even that question set me off. Regarding not rising to it, I didn't. I simply reacted emotionally and got in touch with friends and sisters. I got back to my L and the only indicator I was responding emotionally was my email saying my STBX had better have proof. I also sent her the electric bill that had my STBX's address on it, as he mentioned to his L that he was "afraid" that I knew where he lived. Again, this is such garbage, but then my STBX has always always always got to portray himself as a victim. He has more than a foot on me, nearly 100 pounds, and he's 20 years younger. He also has ALL the money. Tell me, realistically, what I can possibly to do him except hate him with every fiber in my body and destroy him in my writing, which I won't release until after the divorce.
Thanks, enlighten me. I didn't justify, at least I don't think so. I have evidence. And my STBX has put enough junk out on the web to make him look exactly like what he is: Crazy and every four-letter word I can think of.
TMD

TMD,

Hey... it's me!  Remember... .I'm on your side.       

There is a much better way for you to go about this

BPD is over... .if you let it be over and fight the legal fight.  Read that to yourself a couple times. 

You are not going to win the fight with crazy.  It is very likely you will win the legal fight, so focus your energy there.

You are going to have to find a way to reduce the BPD trigger for you. 

Seriously,  suppose his lawyer emailed.   TMD picked her nose and mailed the dried boogers to my client and sent pictures of a naked pink unicorn.  It likely wouldn't have been as triggering.  For some reason, this tactic "hooked" you... .they got what they wanted

Can you see that... .?  I'm a bit reluctant to send this now, because I'm guessing you are still a bit worked up, yet I also know you've worked through stuff like this before and gotten to a better place.

I'm really sorry that your stbx tells lies about you.  He is going to continue.  That's what he does and who he is.  You won't win that fight and that fight is not about your future.




I get it... .you're triggered.

Personally... .I doubt his L believes him... I really do.  Professionally his L has a duty to act on his client's behalf.  That's what it looks like he did.

Big "don't take this personally" thing here.  Please work on that.

   

FF

I agree. I think it's very likely I'll win the legal fight. Thanks for reminding me. 
FF, do you have any idea how hard you made me laugh just now? Oh my god, I'm still laughing. You're absolutely right. I would never have been triggered. Lying is lying is lying and it is just as outrageous for STBX to be "scared" of me as it is for me to send him dried boogers, but now that you mention it... .Oh my god and I've had this respiratory thing, I bet I could get oodles of boogers.
FF, the way I process things is I get really angry for anywhere between six and twelve hours, and then I'm pretty much back to baseline. You can tell me anything. Even if I were still angry, I really do listen to people. 

Thanks, FF. You have made me laugh and laugh and laugh. Get those endorphins moving. and hey the guy that reminds me so much of you is coming along with his wife to visit me. I am so so excited. Thinking of you.

Boogers... .I think I'll ask for donations. My granddaughter absolutely loves to pick her nose. LOL

So... .don't hear me claim lying doesn't bother me anymore... .but... .it's pretty close.  It used to hook me bad.  You guys know me... ."word is my bond" naval officer... ."do business with a handshake guy"... .etc etc.

Once you understand "why" they lie... .it helped me move from "emotion" about it to "action"... .sure there was some underlying anger... but it was/is much much less.

I'm not saying it is ok for anyone to lie.

I am saying it is unhelpful for you (or anyone) to get so pissed off about it that it affects your life like this did. 

I also realize there is a lot of "easier said than done" to this... the effort will be worth it

FF