BPDFamily.com

Hi all. I'm 24 years old and my BPD mother is continually asking me where I'm settling down so she can move near me... .I am planning on moving in 6 months but have not decided exactly where yet, and she keeps asking me over and over where I'm going.I say I dont know. She says, "well if you don't want me near you, then just tell me." I absolutely DO NOT want her to live near me - she lives a state away now and it's way too close. But of course if I say that, all hell will break lose and I'll be a terrible daughter and no one loves her, etc etc you all know the story.

So basically. HELP! she asks me several times a month. I've been able to just say "I don't know" for a long time but I am going to have to make these decision soon. The thought of her following me and being physically close to me makes me feel sick but I don't know how to get out of this. If i say "yeah i dont want to you to move near me," she freaks. If i say "ok move near me," i lose my sanity. Any advice?

I am so sorry that your mother is so thoughtless and only thinks about herself. A caring loving parent would support you as an adult that wants an independent life with your own goals and dreams.  Unfortunately you probably cannot be honest with her, as she seems determined to follow you where you go no matter what you say, and does not seem to care at all about your feelings. Is there some place that you could move, where she would not be able to move? Have you heard about personality disorders? People who have severe personality disorders have little capacity to receive any kind of feedback, no matter how many times different people tell them the same things over and over. BPD is a personality disorder.
Let us know how you are doing and how we can help you!

Why don't you want her living near you,  what's been going on?