BPDFamily.com

I have an interesting predicament:

I have been mostly NO contact with my ex since Sept. of last year.   Things ended from having sex one night to not having closure in person and not even being able to say goodbye.   I have posted about details before but just to recap so that i can ask my question- I suspected that she might have cheated on me from my perspective and had confirmation that the new guy she started seeing in November was in fact the man that she interacted with the same week that i was in town and saw her last.   

That being said, i have never gotten a chance to confront her about it and hear it from her mouth but just know facts through mutual friend.   

So while i was willing to just walk away forever, I have gotten sent into town for my job and its near where she lives.  I am not sure whether she purposefully leaked the information to the mutual friend or if she doesn't really know that i know about this man she's with or has been with.

I feel weird about being here and not trying to contact her as a "friend" even since we shared part of our lives together. 

I know it's probably my projection that it should mean something.  She has probably has moved on emotionally i thought but then 3 days ago she liked a post on my fb page of a picture of me and my Mom.   

This got me to thinking- "should i reach out and test the waters"  or NOT.

I'm filled with fear either way.  DOUBLE BIND CITY :   if i don't reach out, i may never get a chance to see her again.  I may not come back to this state after this trip.  For better or for worse, is it worth seeing if she is decent enough to meet with me?  I don't know if it will help or hurt me and that is the risk if i try to contact her.   The risk for NOT reaching out is feeling like a coward for not being able to be man enough to hear the truth from her (that she is seeing someone else).   I feel trapped and scared that i will make the wrong decision.  I feel paralyzed by fear of either potentially screwing up a way to get closure or make peace or hurting myself by having her devalue me some more.   This is hard.

any thoughts?

This sounds equivocating. Did she cheat on you?

No closure is the biggest struggle for us.  Is closure to you she admitting that she cheated or just that she has moved on and is seeing someone else?

Turkish:

when i had a no closure breakup in the past (years ago) i was obsessing about the lack of  closure and then one day i ran into my ex (past relationship).   She was cold and distant to me like we were strangers and had never met.   Didn't ask about my kids etc.   After that I didn't think of her that much at all.  It felt like just seeing her be that way was enough for me to NOT want her anymore.

So i was wondering if that is what i needed in this case?  But there is a huge risk of her taking the "one up" position if i contact her and especially if she is more narcissistic vs borderline?  Just needed to talk it out on here.

Hey tbk, It's doubtful that you will find closure by confronting her, in my view.  Why not just let it go?


It sounds like you are feeling guilty about the prospect of declining to get in touch w/her.  If so, why the guilt?  Are you hoping to establish a friendship w/her?

Whether to reach out to her, to me, is a function of what you would like to see happen.  Are you hoping for a recycle?  If so, then it might be worthwhile.  If not, what's the point?  Only you know for sure.

LuckyJim