BPDFamily.com

Hello. I am a bonus parent of a 15 year old girl who was just diagnosed with BPD, in addition to her autism. She just spent 4 months in patient after a suicide attempt. I have started reading, "Stop Walking on Eggshells." I wanted to join this community to see how others live with this daily, find new techniques to help us deal with the day to day, etc

HI Additionalmom, welcome to the board. It is a sad thing that finds you here, but it is also a good thing, a step in the right direction. Finding this board shows great strength on your part, reaching out can be hard.
    I'm bluek9, I have a 35 year old BPDD. I'm glad to hear to say you are already reading on BPD, that's a great book. I started with "I hate you, don't leave me". Wow it was like reading about our life. Then I found this forum and have been here for about 2 2/1 months. You definitely in the right place to learn; about daily life, new techniques, tools, dealing with all of it. Take a look around check out the lessons at the right --->
     Keep posting, share what you feel comfortable with. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you again. In the mean time breath.

hI Additionalmom

I also join Bluek9 in welcoming you to the bpdfamily.

I can hear from your post how unfair this diagnosis is for you.  You are so right, it is really unfair... .unfair for all who love her and unfair for her too... .it's very confronting and it will take some time but eventually it gives way to acceptance.  I was so angry for a while when I understood the ramifications of the diagnosis with my D27 and now I am coming to terms with it.

For me, the great thing about the diagnosis was that I can now understand her emotional limitations and it has allowed me to step back and consider how I can best interact to minimise emotional outbursts.  I have been practicing much of what I have learned here and through reading, and while her reactions are still highly emotional I'm hoping that over time that we will reap the benefits of change.

Like Bluek9 suggests, it's great that you are here as it shows that you care about you and care about your daughter.

take care of yourself and I look forward to you coming back and sharing if and when you feel comfortable.

Merlot

I wanted to encourage you by saying that you can apply much of what you know about autism to BPD and it might help you reframe how you think about the new diagnosis and your child's behaviors.  A person with BPD, like autism, often cannot look beyond themselves to think about how their actions are affecting other people. While this looks like manipulating, willful behavior, it is part of the disorder.  Just as you might prepare your child with autism for a stressful situation like a family party or a new school, a person with BPD needs the same planning and management of the environmental conditions to reduce the potential for triggers.  Yes, this is walking on eggshells in a sense, but when a child cannot regulate their responses, they need to rely on the people around them to smooth the path for them.

If you are familiar with the 3 term contingency theory of assessing behavior in autism, you can apply the same theory to the BPD behavior. 

If your child has an IQ in the typical range she should eventually be able to learn DBT techniques to self-monitor and plan for those triggers herself. 

Hi additionalmom

I would like to join bluek9, Merlot and femom in welcoming you to our online community.

It is a sad reality of BPD that some people with this disorder suffer from suicidal ideation and sometimes make actual suicide attempts as your daughter did. How is your daughter doing now after the 4 months of in patient treatment?

We have a thread here that I think you might find helpful:
Early signs of possible BPD traits in your children (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270988.0)

Take care

The Board Parrot