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My ex BPD contacted me again telling me of the dreams she had of me and that she’s feels emptiness when we don’t talk and her mind runs rampant with thoughts and possibilities and that not a day goes by when she doesn’t wonder what I’m doing and how I am.   She then asked when we could catch up and when I told her a few months time  (we live in different states and I want to tie up some lose ends) she seemed to get really mad and said that she thought she was wasting her time on me.   I reassured her how much I wanted to see her etc etc and she replied saying that she feels I have all the control and cards in this situation and then started to get quite nasty when I sent her a video which was nice.   She said that she had lost interest.   
What do I do?   

Hi domino123, thanks for sharing.

Who initiated the breakup? Aside from her desire to see you, what do you hope for this relationship? Do you want to become friends or possibly get back together?

All the best,
ROE

Hi there,
She broke up with me and pushed me away a few years ago.    We have communicated ever since but it’s only now she’s asked to see me again.   It seems like since I’m not running to her immediately she has painted me black.    I said I want to see her again and that I’m not giving up on her and she’s followed that with a barrage of insults claiming I’m playing with her emotions and if I cared I’d have seen her earlier.   Her last message she said she regretted the time she wasted with me and that she had now made plans for the rest of the year and they don’t include me.    I won’t reapind to it.   
I did want to give things another try for my piece of mind but I just can’t handle the blaming.   All of a sudden she is saying she doesn’t trust me or believe me.   One of the things she always said was that she felt she could trust me with her emotions.   

Hello, domino123:

 

From what you have said I think you're in the right place. I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us.  We help and support each other here!


It makes perfect sense that you feel this way. What, if anything, do you plan to do if she were to reverse course and change her mind about wanting to see you?

I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you.


-Speck

Hi Speck,

I do feel I have unfinished business with her and logically I know it won’t be easy.   I’d love to be able to play some sort of role in her life but at the same time I do know she’s not capable of healthy love at this point.    Is it likely that she will return realising how nasty she was?   She now says she has no interest in seeing me.

Hello again, domino123:


What are the behaviors and actions that she exhibits that make you say this?

Does it matter which role that you play in her life... .platonic versus romantic?



Yes and no. As far as your ex realizing how nasty she was, the jury is still out on that score. If she ever does, it's likely that she won't admit it. So... .don't expect an apology. As far as her reaching out to contact you again, from what I understand about BPD, if your ex feels that you are still in her sphere of influence, she may decide to contact you at a later date. Just because she is saying that she has no interest in seeing you now, doesn't mean that she will feel that way tomorrow, next week, or even next year. That's the thing with pwBPD; their feelings can change and morph into the very opposite thing previously declared with an astonishing alacrity that leaves Nons perpetually confused.

If you don't mind my asking, what is the unfinished business that you seek to resolve with your ex?

Keep writing, keep processing!


-Speck