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Hi to BPD family. I was/am? in a crazy relationship which I am fairly sure is over but I can't seem to  move forward. I was/am Professional woman now retired and yet this has brought me to my knees and I have no idea who I am anymore. My words twisted, my principles negated, constant fighting which is always my fault. In 6 weeks I've cried every day, lost 10 lbs and in general begged, pleaded and acted like a 15 yr old in a psycho love loop. I've stopped doing that the last 2 weeks but still won't unfriend him from Fb or seem to have the courage to cut it off completely... giving him the power to jolt me again when i wake soon to find he has done so. It's complicated as I guess each of you with more 'recovery' time knows but I also read that some time we take years to recover from this type treatment... .I feel like a part of me has died... .my sweet spirit, my confidence and that radiant glow I had when we sere 'in love'... .

Hi Teri50,

*welcome*

Id like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time. I can understand the distressing feeling when you feel like you can’t stop yourself with hurting each other back and forth. I’d feel worried too if I didn’t know the answer - the answer or the start of your journey is detachment. I also understand how hard it is to go no contact with someone that you cared so much for. I think that it helps to look at the entire picture although it’s understandable thinking about the good times. We’re here to help. You’re not alone.

Hi there and welcome too!  I am new to the group too and there is so much great information and support here... .from people fresh out of a similar situation to others who have healed over the years.   It is very helpful to talk with people who have been through similar things because the BPD has SO many similar traits that you'll relate to a lot that you read.

I spent 14 years with someone who got progressively worse over time.   Still, I didn't know there was a name to the crazy and illogical relationship that I was in.   While I miss the companionship, I don't miss the criticism and constant arguing and anger.  Most of us have likely found this site (if you didn't know there was a condition) looking online for "walking on eggshells".   Before you knew your SO -- is that a way you would want to live?   You'll find solace in the ability to find yourself again and regain your self esteem.   

We are all learning here -- I know I am.  While I'm sorry that you are here, I know that you'll likely have a lot to share as you read through that will help me too.   

Welcome teri50, you are in the right place.
We can all relate to how you feel, take comfort in the fact that what you are going through, is perfectly normal, that was a huge breakthrough for me, I thought I was the crazy one.
You are stronger than you think, believe me.
Have a look around, and ask questions, it helps us all, and that in itself, galvanises me, to keep pushing forward, it's called BPD family for a reason.

Hello, Teri50, and welcome. I'm sorry things are rough. It is possible to recover. Your "words twisted, principles negated, fighting which was always my fault" rang a bell. No-one deserves to live like that, which is what makes acting like a "15 year old in a psycho love loop" so difficult to accept in yourself. I write this because I was there 18 months ago. Your astute phrasing is a good sign  :).

Just as an example of the overlap between the people on this board, I read tlc232's "14 years with someone who got progressively worse" and could have written that, too. Most people who end up here have a lot of common experiences. That really helps when you need to set a new baseline.

Good luck, look after yourself, and write as much as you can.