BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

It's time for a new self-care thread. If you haven't been posting, I hope you're at least taking some time to think about what self-care looks like for you. Loving someone (or detaching from someone) w/BPD is absolutely draining and it's too easy to get sucked into some of our own codependent patterns when we don't take time for ourselves. I noticed this when I was still fighting daily for my relationship. I was getting a "high" off of helping per se, not seeing how much I was contributing to my own demise. Since then, I've been working hard to make self-care a priority.

Here's mine for the week. I'm moving out of our shared home at the end of the week and it's been extremely hard to do all the packing myself. Job #3 also starts up at the end of this week and I'm already exhausted just thinking about it. Still, one more week, and things will be different (maybe not better, but these challenges won't be the same).

My self-care

1. Yoga mat naps at work. Seriously! I have the privilege of having a door to my office and permission to close it every now and then for self-care without being bothered. So, I bust out my yoga mat, set a 20 minute timer, and let myself drift off. I've been exhausted, so these mini-naps have been so necessary. I don't always fall asleep, but just stepping away from my computer helps.

2. Keeping organized. There are so many details involved in moving so I'm keeping myself organized so I don't get overwhelmed.

3. Fun distractions! I'm listening to a cheesy audiobook, watching lots of star trek while I pack, and renting movies to watch while packing, too. I even dropped the self-help books for my usual bedtime reading last night and got back into a Sci Fi novel that I had dropped.

4. Daydreaming about things I'm going to do after I move, like going hiking and generally just escaping to the woods. Heck, I might even bring my tent and hike a mile in and set up my tent and sleeping bag and take a nap midday. I know I'm going to need to catch up on sleep, and it might be nice to just go take a nap away from it all haha!

5. Going over boundaries with my therapist. Since I'm moving close to my FOO, and since I somewhat expect my pwBPD to get in touch soon, I've been spending time thinking about my boundaries and articulating them out loud to my therapist.

6. Daydreaming about a story I started writing before all of the drama happened. I might not have a lot of time to put into it, but I've been thinking a lot about some of my creative outlets and at least letting myself do some character and plot development in my head.

Basically I plan on sleeping and taking space and being a nerd in my head, and not giving a dang what people think about it. If I hear "why don't you go have some drinks" or "take yourself out to dinner!" one more time I might scream. No thank you, right now, I just want to nerd out and relaaxxxx.

How about you all? What's your self-care look like this week? Anything you're allowing yourself to do, even if just in your head? Any good distractions in place for when the distress gets really high?

My biggest self care is pigs. 4 itty bitty cute little baby pigs. I spent yesterday just watching and laughing at them get adjusted to their new home on our farm. I laid on the ground with them and started to get them used to me. Picked a favorite. Named her Piggie Smalls.

I plan to get some spring clothes shopping in sometimes this week. Time to update my wardrobe for the year.

A friend offered me some free EMDR sessions. Trying to decide if I should take her up on it.

I haven't had time to read much last week so this week I hope to finish at least one of my books.
 

Oh TH just thinking about the cute baby piggies brings me joy! I hope you get lots of fun time with them :)

I've done EMDR before and really liked it. It's tough, and definitely draining, but useful.

Enjoy the shopping :)

 :)

Hey everyone!

This week I don't have much planned and feel kind of low but going to do my best to be productive.

1. I ordered a fancy camera, and going to start doing photography. My exwBPD and I loved photography but didnt have a fancy camera. Decided to bite the bullet and start this journey alone.
2. Gym.
3. saw therapist today and going to focus on not caring of other peoples perceptions of me.
4. sleep. Ive been losing sleep.

I'm going through a strange experience right now, I've just left my non-BPD spouse due to his infidelity and ongoing dishonesty/irresponsible behavior. My pwBPD is a close friend (who wishes to be more) and has become one of the people I've leaned on the most through this experience.
I've made self care my top priority, both in navigating this friendship and in separating from my husband. I made an appointment to start with with a new therapist and I set myself some short term goals (walking daily, getting plenty of vegetables and fruits, practicing mindfulness more often.) I also ordered a DBT workbook for myself and have been doing that. My friend has taken a great interest in what I'm doing and has slowly been practicing a lot of the self care activities with me. We share daily gratitude lists, talk about our goals, and now he has begun asking for tidbits from the workbook. He has taken to sending me uplifting quotes and so I've been setting time aside every day to look up my own positive affirmations, too. Today I got myself a planner and some bright stickers and pens and I am using it to record my self care habits, which feels rewarding to do because it is attractive and also it gives a great visual perspective of my progress.