BPDFamily.com

Does anyone else have a few members of family with theses traits? My mom, sister and now daughter all have this and I feel like the sandwich generation of mental health. Has anyone been able to navigate this?

The answer to your question is yes. I know my family history and relatives from all four sets of great grandparents. We have many people with mental health problems in all four families. What is interesting and frustrating at the same time, is relatives who qualify for the same mental health diagnosis, are very different in many ways. There are definitely traits that are inherited, like having a terrible temper. My mother and sister both go from a neutral state to horribly angry in a matter of seconds for no apparent reason, which is characteristic of BPD. Some relatives may have just one trait of mental illness, and do quite well, because everything else looks pretty good. I would say, that it is important to marry into a family with good mental health, because if there is a long history of relatives with mental illness, the cumulative effect of inheritable mental health traits can make for a lot of chaos and pain and suffering in the family,  and I think this is what many people who participate in the Board may be experiencing this, along with the difficult family environments that can be created when there is so much mental illness in the family. Can you tell us a little more about your question?

Hi Rebeca:

WELCOME:

What bad traits do your various family members display?  I'm thinking that the one person you can have the most influence on right now is your daughter.  How old is your daughter? and what mental health issues are you currently seeing?

You can look at it from various angles:

• Most people have a couple of the BPD traits, to some degree.  BPD rarely stands alone, and it's common for someone diagnosed with BPD to have such mental health issues as:  anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, bipolar and others.  One school of thought is that when disorders aren't managed well (by meds and/or therapy), and coping skills aren't learned, the stage is set to evolve into enough traits to qualify for a BPD diagnosis.
• A lack of emotional intelligence (EQ) can set the stage for poor behavior (s).  Children tend to mimic what they see. (which can be a totally broken version of normal - their normal) i.e. If parents or grandparents use "the silent treatment" , the children might evolve to use it as well.
• Mental health issues do run in families genetically.  We can be dealt a bad hand in that regard, but how we play the hand can make a difference. (i.e. learning healthy coping skills versus unhealthy ones).

I recently heard an interesting discussion about teaching children to process their feelings.  Feelings can change rapidly and that's a good lesson to learn.  It's important to validate feelings. (i.e. I hear that you are very angry right now, that must feel uncomfortable for you).  It's, also, important to learn ways to manage your emotions.  

You can't change your sister or parents, but you can change how you interact with them and how you react to them and set your personal boundaries (that are for your benefit and that you have control over).  There are a lot of good communication tools in the Workshop Section.  A good place to start, could be with the links in the "Tools" area within the large green band at the top of the page.