BPDFamily.com

My dearest Madkinitter,

I'm sorry that I failed miserably as your mother. My memory must be terrible because I thought your childhood was relatively happy. I'm sorry that wasn't the case and that I am to blame.  You feel I missed all the things I should have done to make things right or at least better between you and your older brother when you were children.  I do know that I loved and do love you completely just as you love your own daughter. She will want to have you as a big part of her life when she grows up. I know that when your little boy is born, you will be so much better at helping your daughter and him manage than I was with any of you guys because you're more prepared to handle any rivalry.

I hope some day you can forgive me.

Just know that I love you so much and always will no matter what.

All my love, mom


Honestly I'm not mad about the past.  I'm mad about the present.  I'm mad that she still can't with the benefit of hindsight say you know what I screwed up here, here and here and I'm genuinely sorry.  Instead I get a guilt bomb where I'm supposed to write back about how she was a wonderful mother and blah blah blah.  I'm not doing it. 
You know what she was a good mom when I was actually a child but she never grew or changed or allowed more privacy as I grew into an adult.  I literally moved across the country because at the age of 22 she felt she had the right to read my text messages and then confront me about what I wrote in them including some sexy texts with the man that I am now married to.  So no I'm not mad about my childhood I'm mad about my adulthood.  I'm mad that even now she defends my brother's ___ty behaviour.  I'm mad that I get these emotionally manipulative emails.  I'm mad that I can't just say "We'd like you to avoid coming until 2 weeks after our baby is born so we can recover and bond,"  without it being a big emotional mess.  I'm mad that with my first kid we said one week which she had to push to 6 days.  And her memory is terrible that is a fact!

I'm new to this board as of yesterday but this email could have been written by my mom. I have also said the exact same things you have because she was a good mom - when I was small. Once I got to be an adult, it was horrible and still is. When I left home she was so angry, she wouldn't talk to me, take me to the airport, and made herself sick so that the focus was once again on her.

I'm sorry to know so many others are dealing with this type of dysfunctional relationship. But, the wonderful thing is you recognize it and will break the cycle with your children. So many hugs to you.

Hi madkinitter,

*welcome*

I'd like to echo goldilox I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.


A pwBPD have little boundaries on themselves and poor boundaries of others and see their children as an extension of themselves not seperate I can understand why she was enmeshed but you have the right to feel the way that you. It does look like a passive aggressive way of looking for validation, she is throwing up the Guilt from FOG (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) bpdfamily is a good platform to express your feelings about a pwBPD in your life. I know that you probably wish that you didn't have to share that but thanks for sharing.

This 100% sounds like something my mom would write. 100%. She basically disowned me once, out of the blue but in her mind based on a reason that made no actual sense, and said it "was an honor being my mother" (past tense). When I got upset and basically asked what the hell was wrong with her (this was year ago) she told me that she had "written me that E-Mail in the spirit of loving kindness" and that she "was sorry I got upset" but "couldn't understand why that would upset me."