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Title: Having one of those nights Post by: PianoDood on March 27, 2018, 08:35:56 PM I'm posting this right now because it is where I'm at at the moment. I'm solid on my no contact resolution. I'm solid on my decision to detach. This post has nothing to do with being weak in that regard. But as I sit here in the quiet of finally finding peace, I miss my wife.
Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: tlc232 on March 27, 2018, 09:44:28 PM Hi there, PD ---
You have lots of company... . it's hard. I find myself (if I am honest) missing companionship, and something comfortable... .but not all of the characteristics and reasons that I found this site. Does it seem like the same time each day that it is hardest? I find the 4-6PM timeframe most melancholy... . It is getting better. Also no contact because the anger and blaming was off the charts... . t Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Speck on March 28, 2018, 01:25:11 AM PianoDood:
I know, friend. It happens irrespective of what we know we need to do in order to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, we miss the very people that have caused us the most pain. I miss my wife, too. But... .I also know that I would miss my sanity more. -Speck Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Shawnlam on March 28, 2018, 07:13:56 AM I’m not much of a proper source right now on proper thought patterns to feel better etc on this subject but maybe this quote will help you pianodood : people think being alone makes you lonely,but I don’t think that’s true.Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world .Stay strong brother
Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Mutt on March 28, 2018, 10:10:16 AM Hi PianoDood,
How do you feel today? Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: lighthouse9 on March 28, 2018, 10:15:25 AM I hear you buddy. I can have boundaries and still have feelings. I'm having trouble reconciling the woman I knew with the woman I've known lately, but still, the woman I knew made me really happy.
Cheers to being able to process and feel these things. It's a nasty silver lining, but silver lining no less. Keep processing, writing, feeling, and sticking to your resolutions. We're here and we get it. Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: PianoDood on March 28, 2018, 09:10:53 PM Thanks for the kinds words, everyone. I'm back to center again. Had a very busy day for work and, moved all of my small items to the new house tonight. Mr. Diggs (my new 6 month old brown tabby) and I are spending the night in the new house on an air mattress, but it feels good to be out of that apartment I shared with my wife and the memories tied to it. And, I'd be lying if I didn't feel a return of the ole self-confidence being that the house is a major upgrade. Every now and then, I have a moment where I miss her. But it doesn't take very long for my brain to override and remember the other part of the relationship that was unhealthy and very damaging to me. I realize it's natural to miss her. I genuinely loved her. Why wouldn't I? And it's a grieving process along with the focus on detaching. But, every day, I feel stronger and more like me again.
Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: space261083 on March 28, 2018, 09:15:05 PM I'm posting this right now because it is where I'm at at the moment. I'm solid on my no contact resolution. I'm solid on my decision to detach. This post has nothing to do with being weak in that regard. But as I sit here in the quiet of finally finding peace, I miss my wife. The things my wife has done to me and my kids are disgusting and yet I miss her more than anything in the world. I feel your sadness and your pain. Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Sirnut on March 28, 2018, 10:38:45 PM Something similar here. It was my friend who first broke contact with me, but I’ve had to decide not to chase her and learn how to detach. When it first happened I was devastated but I’m past that now, I just miss her. That’s progress but it still hurts. I don’t know how long this will take to wear off, if it ever does.
Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Cromwell on March 30, 2018, 05:05:23 PM the only danger i have to face is that as ive got better it is easy to forget the extreme hurt and reasons id detached from, then there will be moments of just recalling the happy times, this is a weak moment where it is easy to feel "did I really do the right thing, they made me feel so happy, maybe I over-reacted". you pull an old picture out of both of you together and start to feel a longing to have had future moments like that again.
ive learned increasingly to block out the bad memories, keep the good ones, but at the same time always remember that my strict comittment to NC was put in place for good reason and that nothing whatsoever will ever make me waver from it. In other words, i dont think further then that the NC is an indelible contract ive made which has no get out clause whatsoever. so asides from NC im free to think or do whatever I want. Cromwell Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Speck on March 31, 2018, 07:02:25 AM I think Cromwell is onto something here:
In other words, i dont think further then that the NC is an indelible contract ive made which has no get out clause whatsoever. Yes. Sometimes the boundaries we need to erect for self-protection are properly intended for ourselves. -Speck Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: GD39 on March 31, 2018, 08:04:57 AM I miss my wife, too. But... .I also know that I would miss my sanity more. Loved it. Hope I can keep that in mind! Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: JNChell on April 15, 2018, 03:47:18 PM Hey, Pianodood! Haven't heard from you in a while. How are things going?
Title: Re: Having one of those nights Post by: Speck on April 21, 2018, 12:23:38 AM Hello, PianoDood:
I just wanted to pop in to check on you. How have you been doing? We're here if you need to talk. -Speck |