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I rarely cook for my bf with BPD traits, but money has been tight and I thought I’d bring some food over to make at his house. His first question when I walked in with grocery bags was “wow, how sweet, you must have done something I don’t want to know about.” I made a joke about it and we moved on. Later I start telling him about my weekend plans. I have 2 family parties taking up most of my free time.
He almost never goes to family stuff but I always extend the invite just in case. There are no strings attached if he goes, and no my family won’t make him sign any contracts to marry me while hes there. I just want him to be there with me to keep me company and he knows this. But no pressure whatsoever from me. So after I fill him in on what’s going on he goes “oh that’s why you brought all of that stuff over and are being so sweet to me.” Again I laughed it off and said that had nothing to do with it. Two completely separate subjects.
I go into the kitchen and start things up. He comes in later and immediately points out everything I’m doing wrong. “The beans are too hot and they’ll splatter everywhere... .you didn’t put that hot pan on my counter did you?... .the rice is sticking to the bottom of the pan... .clearly you did something wrong. It’s scorched and I’m not cleaning it up. You need to clean all of this up before you leave.”
Where did this come from?  I’m trying to do something nice for him and this is the thanks I get. I’m getting visually upset so he tries to belittle the situation and tell me I can’t handle constructive criticism.
I start eating and he goes upstairs. I turn on my Monday night guilty pleasure show, and he comes back down and changes it without asking. He says sh*tty attitudes and sh*tty shows aren’t allowed in his house. Even though he watches some pretty awful mindless television himself. Which I proceeded to point out.
He tells me to go home, that I’ve been nothing but a b*tch, now he has to clean all these dishes up, and he doesn’t even want to eat what I made.
I’m tearing up at this point so I leave.
Couple hours later I text him asking what the heck really happened. He’s even more enraged at this point, calling me unstable. Telling me to eff off and leave him alone followed by a million middle finger emojis. That he’s clearly not what I want, he doesn’t want to do family stuff and maybe I should find someone who does. I foolishly and frantically start defending myself, and the last text was then “f*ck you.” He right away blocks me on Facebook and my phone number.
I mean... .what?
The night before he was so sweet and loving. Now this? Anyone else experience anything similiar? Or can shed any light? I could rationalize this in my head over and over, but hearing it from someone else really helps sometimes.

Human_behavior,

Welcome to bpdfamily!  I am really sorry for the tough time you're having, but am glad you've found us.  We've all had experiences like the one you've just had, and many tears have been shed.  I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of that.  This is a great place to get support and learn!

While we can't change our partner with BPD, getting a better understanding of the illness can absolutely help us to feel less blindsided by things, avoid making things worse, and sometimes see trouble coming and head it off.  Would you like to hear some specific thoughts on what happened with the "Rice-a-Roni incident?"

WW

Welcome, Human_behavior!

 

Just wanted to pop in to join Wentworth in welcoming you to the forums. I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. I wish for you as much help and support as I have received.

Thank you for what you have shared with us thus far:


I think by reading some of the discussion threads here you will find that this type of behavior is, unfortunately, all too common. We all been there to varying degrees and can really understand where you are coming from. So... .what I'm hearing from you is that you are confused at this abrupt change in behavior. Is this the first time your boyfriend has acted this way? Is there anything that you plan to do to address it?

Have you seen some of the material located in the right-handed panel? The site articles can help you make sense of what just happened at your boyfriend's house.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but we're so glad you're here. Keep reading and posting, and I'm sure you'll get help and support you need (as I have).

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck