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Title: Am I handling this correctly? Post by: Lovestrong on March 28, 2018, 02:49:18 PM I’m currently going through a depressive episode, or “down cycle” with my girlfriend (diagnosed BPD). We haven’t been together too long so I’m still learning her triggers, reactions, and behaviors. She’s definitely become more distant, less receptive to my support, doesn’t say “I love you”, and is just very obvious upset. I’m not sure how to handle it just yet and I’m hoping someone here can help. So far I’ve just been trying to be there for her and validate her feelings but she doesn’t let me see her much or even say much of anything. How can I help her trust in me more to help her through this? I just need advice.
Title: Re: Am I handling this correctly? Post by: Mutt on March 28, 2018, 08:02:23 PM Hi Lovestrong,
I’d feel down if I tri d to cheer up my gf and she was pushing me further. Have you asked her what’s going on? It sounds like you’ve done everything that you could it could be push / pull behaviour a pwBPD want emotional intimacy but the closeness triggers their fear of engulfment it sense of self being annihilatied the distance then triggers their fear of aloneness and they pull you closer that push / pull feeling can make it feel like crazy making behaviour to the non. Title: Re: Am I handling this correctly? Post by: Lovestrong on March 28, 2018, 11:47:32 PM She’s got a lot going on with school, work, it’s just all very overwhelming for her. In reality there isn’t much I can do about those things but I still want to be there. I want to be that constant that she needs. I’m just not sure how. And I’m not sure if her pushing me away, if she really wants me gone or not.
Title: Re: Am I handling this correctly? Post by: juju2 on March 29, 2018, 12:44:33 AM Welcome!
You are in the right place. I think because their reactions, actions, are so unpredictable, it is unwise for me to gauge anything off of that. Usually we gauge our actions from our significant peoples actions. What I have found is everything I know, everything I thought I knew, needs to be thrown out the window. For me, it's a new ballgame every day. I have to learn here from others experience. Be of good hope read here, post, realize you are not crazy. It's just you are dealing w someone, that you are in over your head. Have a beginners mind. Don't blame yourself. You are dealing w someone who doesn't fit any mold that you are used to. You are walking in to the unknown. It's ok, because you found us. We are caring, supportive, experienced. Reach out like you are doing. You are okay You are not crazy. best, juju |