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I don't know what to do. I am so tempted to go to her profile. This message is probably stupid, but at least I'm coming here instead of going there. Thank you all for my crazy self.

Great idea, Shedd!  Coming here instead of checking her profile.  It's a show of strength and a kindness to yourself to be able to do this.

Would you like to say more about what is going on with you today that's making you want to do this?

Hi Shedd,

Been there, done it, didn’t feel better.    You are not alone.

I recommend feeling the urge as sensations in the body. Just feel them, and forget about the story running in your head. I know the urge is very strong, but you don’t have to act on it. It will pass, and you can get on with recovery.

Good going posting here instead of checking.

There will come a day when you can check her FB and feel just fine. It may or may not be today.

What were you doing/thinking about right before the urge came on?

heartandwhole

Hey there Shedd,

Just chiming in to say hi! I would like to say that its very natural to miss someone, more so when you form such intense connections. i'm really glad you've decided to drop a post here. Are you maintaining NC at the moment? I would want to say it gets better with time, its been less than half a year for me and i occasionally catch myself thinking of her. How did this urge come on today?

Spero

Yes, it's hard to let go.

Thinking of mine has been tough of late because we are cleaning out the family home (so many memories, good and bad), but I'm feeling better being in our own rental.

I have no doubt that mine will find someone if he hasn't already. One of my college kids saw an email on my computer and commented that it sounded like either someone who has a sweetie or plans to get one. He's very charming and knows initially how to treat a woman. Long-term is another matter.

I still pray for a miracle, but I am realistic as well.

Hi Shedd,

Even if you check her profile, don't be too hard on yourself. It's been 3.5 years for me and I still do it sometimes. As others said, it is getting easier with each year passing. 

 
have you thought about the reasons why you would even want to?

or is it some sort of impulsive urge that you are having to control?

there was a time during NC that I did get tempted, but I didnt even know why I wanted to.

maybe I would look and there would be pages going non stop on her timeline of her declaring to the world how much she misses me, how shes in therapy and is waiting for me to apologise for what she done. (this is fantasy btw)

most likely will be another predicable picture of her new caretaker for the week for which I will have regret not taking a strong anti-emetic before loading the page up.

either way, glad you posted here instead when you felt the urge to and didnt just go with it.

Hey guys!

I didn't end up checking her profile.  I have had her blocked for a couple weeks now because I just don't want to see it.  It was her birthday on the 22nd so I know she's posted something new which makes me want to check it, and see everyone's post to her saying happy birthday.

I have been checking her profile everyday since we went NC and I just needed to put an end to it.  I feel silly for checking up on her like it's my duty to make sure she's ok.  I'm not in charge of her happiness anymore.  So I have no reason to even make sure she's ok.  

She's in a new relationship too, and I wanna see how that's going.  Seems like the new gf is perfect she hasn't broke up with her yet.  It's been like 7 months. She broke up with me after 5/6 saying she was interested in men, but it was my fault because I got emotional about something and went to her for comfort. Ugh.  Guess this girl isn't emotionally needy like I was.  Idk.  She just seems way better so I gotta stop looking.  I blocked them both so I just can't let myself see anything.  

Anyway. Thank you all for the support.  It helps a lot!

thats interesting because I was doing well (with regards to not checking her social media or contactingher) with the NC for 3 months  until the birthday came.

I think it is just because of a feeling I had that if it is no contact on this important day, which I always celebrated with her before, than this sealing her out of my life was "real" and irreversible.

she must have felt the same because rather than having other things to do, she decided to pay what has became her last visit.  (to be clear I didnt open the door or commnicate in any way)

the good news is, having got through that, its became far easier now.

you seem a really caring person, I often am curious if my ex is "coping" ok, but I start to recognise that part of me as secondary to prioritising my own well being. I wont do anything that has the potential to upset me, and looking at her FB for whatever reason has the possibility of doing just that and stunting my own healing process.

well done i know how very hard it must have been not to look.   |iiii

Hey thanks.

I am too caring of a person and it gets me into trouble.  I'm trying to learn to not open my heart up so much for people.  It's a struggle because I just want to wrap everyone in a protective bear hug and tell them it's going to be ok. .

I'm proud of myself for not looking. I hope eventually the urge to look will fade.  Just like my feelings for her have even though I do miss her at times. Anyway. Thanks again.

Yay, Shedd!   |iiii


I'm proud of you, too!  And you're right, eventually the urge to look will fade.  It's OK to miss her.   Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us.  I know things have felt hard for you these past few weeks.  It sounds like you're feeling a little more hopeful today?

Good job coming here. You are closer to letting go. Block all your social media.  It took me 9 months... but now, I don’t care what ever happens... I miss the kids, but not my problem anymore.

Keep working... it takes time.