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Not sure how I am going to handle that and I know its going to happen sooner or later in a town this size.

Has anyone had experience running to their ex  pwBPD in a social setting?

How did you react?

How did they react?

What would you do differently next time?

Hi Foursome

I bumped into my friend that cut me off and hasn't spoken to me since October a week ago today at work. She was coming in through a revolving door as I was approaching it to exit.

Me: Looked right at her, smiled and said hello.

She: Could barely look at me, her eyes were darting everywhere, and her mumbled reply was so quiet I have no idea what she actually said. Her behaviour seemed furtive and smacked of guilt. She scurried off as swiftly as she could.

Would I have done anything differently? No, I felt great afterwards. Quite validated and a little proud of myself.

I walked through the doors of a furniture store with my bf at the time and looked up and saw my ex BPDbf with his girlfriend also shopping. He  ran out of the building.  He noticed me and literally ran... .funny thing is the boyfriend i was shopping with (and who is an ex now) also has BPD which i didn't know at the time... .a rose between 2 thorns... lucky lucky me.  

ex saw me last week and ran/walked away super fast when i called friends name she was with. also she turns head and avoids me but smiles when she walks by me.

I saw her at a social event, walked over and asked her how she was. She answered “Fine” without looking at me and we both walked on.

Awkward for both of us but I’m glad I did it. If she wants to give me the cold shoulder in public with no explanation I don’t see why I should make it easy.

this was during a split up on my part that lasted a month, the longest apart during our r/s, and i was just getting to the point where I felt that I could actually move on permanently from her (i started to feel happy without her).

so i was in a part of the city that she would have no real reason to be in and before I could walk out from the store, which was fully glazed, I had to give myself a reality check of the person I saw, standing on the other side of the street directly opposite, shifting uncomfortably (in a way id never seen her being nervous) smoking a cigarette and looking shifty in comparison to the people walking around past her getting on with their day to day lives.

she was wearing the same hooded top that I was wearing on the first day I met. (which she very rarely wore outside but had wanted from me)

obviously not seeing her for a whole month and how infactuated i was sent all those chemicals racing.

actually I have a clip of the entire thing, it went pretty much exactly like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw88MWoqenQ

it was very surreal and yes i gave her my new number and enjoyed what became the final round. id never been stalked like that before, but it gave me huge insight into the person. I saw a nervousness in her that day id never seen before, wearing that top was also the give-away that it was a staged performance, albeit, her acting skills very the lowest id ever seen. I didnt make her uncomfortable I was friendly and it was the first time in 2.5 years I got offered anything from her (a cigarette).

I feel glad that i walked across and talked to her, she pretended she just happened to be there for a different reason. she later (trying to be nasty) admitted she had been waiting for me, but not for the reason of missing me but trying to hook me back in and gloating at how 'successful' she had been.

The way I felt was hard to describe. it was like dream like, not in the way I felt when I first met her, but a cocktail of very strong emotions all hitting at the same time. Looking back it was probably just shock, curiosity, infactuation (fight or flight andrenaline release) but not choosing either.

 after giving her my number and went on my way having not done more than that to make arrangements with her - not long after the texts started to come in a few hours later and I couldnt reply as I had no credit. They then flooded back in because she must have thought I was ignoring her.

I can only imagine what she must have felt when she got me 'hooked' back in would have been similar to the story you said about your wife shouting "i got him!"

if only she wasnt so damn seductive. but the type of person ive became now, I would (and would in future) just walk past her and ignore her very existence.

despite it being very scary to me, I kind of feel flattered to have been stalked.

what really helped to turn me off from her was when I realised the controlling part of her, she really did get something of a kick that she could have me as some sort of person to treat degradingly and appear submissive. I dont know if all the drugs and chemsex she had in her life skewed her mind up, there was some sadistic-sexual element to it all i believe.

she couldnt have the capacity to reciprocate feeling of love, so it manifested itself in controlling someone elses feelings of love for her.

something along those lines, i wasnt stupid or even "hooked" by her back in, id learned already what she was about, but it was good to take the chance to spend some time with her to get a sense of closure. it actually felt good to be the one doing the manipulation, but in hindsight, it was probably just playing with fire again and im lucky it happened to work out better than it could have.

I left.

He followed me.

I would have sent the cease and desist letter the first time this happened.