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Title: Why does the ex have need to spin tale of abuse? Post by: Darkblaez on April 01, 2018, 09:38:17 AM This has perplexed me a bit but need validation if these reasons are logic.
My ex, each time she has cheated on me has always spun the tale to these guys online that I am the "abusive ex" and that she just left me and looking for someone nice. This has been her mode of operation each time she has been online, on dating sites, having affairs. Keep in mind at the time she did all this we were actively together, in what I thought was a committed relationship and married. I assume she spins this tale to seek a specific kind of individual? She also did this with the latest guy and her immediate family to be able to move back in with her parents. I assume this is to serve her own immediate need to gain sympathy and manipulate individuals to her needs? I can say without a doubt she was never abused in anyway shape or form and if anything her actions throughout the relationship, all the lies, deception, cheating, would be construed as abusive towards me. To love a BPD is such a train wreck to say the least... . -Darkblaez Title: Re: Why does the ex have need to spin tale of abuse? Post by: The Cat in d Hat on April 01, 2018, 10:44:27 AM I assume this is to serve her own immediate need to gain sympathy and manipulate individuals to her needs You’d be correct to assume this. This is so the new target can play the savior role. It also for herself validates her actions for cheating (in her mind it’s justified to cheat on someone that abused you). Title: Re: Why does the ex have need to spin tale of abuse? Post by: Mutt on April 01, 2018, 02:28:05 PM She also did this with the latest guy and her immediate family to be able to move back in with her parents. I assume this is to serve her own immediate need to gain sympathy and manipulate individuals to her needs? BPD is a persecution complex a pwBPD truly believe that their circumstances are caused externally by others and not from their actions or choices. At the onset of the r/s a pwBPD idealize us, granted that there is idealization in romantic r/s's, a pwBPD can't integrate the good and bad qualities you're either one of the other at the beginning we're the saviors like The Cat in d Hat mentions, we're a perfect image and slowly over time cracks appear until a pwBPD can't see any redeeming qualities. If she's on dating sites for the purpose of hooking up on the first date she has poor boundaries which aligns with pwBPD, pwBPD have little to no boundaries on themselves, another criterion for the disorder: Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237 A pwBPD will blameshift when the r/s fails, we're split black, their abandonment fears are triggered, they abruptly end the r/s you probably already know that splitting is a defense mechanism that protects against anxiety / stress. I can relate with you I was told that I was emotionally / physically abusive, financially abusive to not just her but to the kids as well. You can't replace someone with someone else thinking that is going to fix your problems, and to address her family they're enabling her behaviour and rescuing her, she knows that eventually all of her r/s's fail and she can fall back on her parents. |