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Title: Update: the one emotion that is screaming the loudest is shame. Post by: Pencil sketch on April 02, 2018, 03:18:16 AM Nothing specific to report, I guess I am posting as a way to gauge my progress, and hopefully help others.
I feel pretty much the same, the one emotion that is screaming the loudest, is shame. Her words go around my head, 'go find someone else to ___, and give me some peace' 'Hell will freeze over, before I ever contact you again' After giving everything I had, that sums up what the last 2 yrs meant, she played me like a puppet master. How do I get past those words, and move on? All the layers that went on during our relationship, are now coming off. Sending strength to you all. Title: Re: Just an update Post by: Lucky Jim on April 02, 2018, 10:56:08 AM Hey Pencil sketch, According to my T, it's common to experience shame after a traumatic event, so take it easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself up! I wouldn't put too much stock in her words; those w/BPD say a lot of unkind and disparaging things when triggered that are usually way off the mark. Maybe you can set a limit/boundary on ruminating about her? In my view, it's healthy to let the layers come off. Suggest you embrace the process as you return to your core. Keep acknowledging your feelings and let them pass.
LuckyJim P.S. I assume you are posting on the Conflicted Board because you are unready for the Detaching Board? Title: Re: Just an update Post by: Pencil sketch on April 02, 2018, 11:11:13 AM Thanks LJ, i think I rely on people's opinions on here, because you have experienced it.
The ruminating, isn't so bad, i do have large periods of the day, when she doesn't cross my mind, which is a welcome relief, I think I have finally come to terms with everything, so no looking back. I didn't realise I posted this on the wrong board, will change it. Good advice as always Title: Re: Update: the one emotion that is screaming the loudest is shame. Post by: Lucky Jim on April 02, 2018, 12:57:17 PM Hey P.S., Not saying that Conflicted is the wrong board; rather, just saying that this is a different board than Detaching, so you are likely to get different responses to the issues. It's up to you as to which Board best meets your needs. I hang out more on Detaching, but drop in on Conflicted, too, so we are likely to cross paths regardless.
That you have long periods without obsessing about her sounds like progress to me. As I mentioned, I think it's normal to feel shame in the aftermath of a BPD r/s, but suggest you be kind to yourself and accept the shame as part of the process. The goal, in my view, is to get to a point where you can love and accept yourself, just as you are. LJ |