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Title: I am trying to create healthy soellingboundaries Post by: Pine4 on April 02, 2018, 11:26:11 AM My daughter has many of the BPD traits. I have been trying to help her for 5 years. I am now realizing that I have no control over her behaviour. I hope I can find ways to help us both cope with her BPD. I am reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, and I can see how this has been affecting me for so long. I look forward to hearing others' input.
Title: Re: I am trying to create health boundaries Post by: Huat on April 02, 2018, 11:44:29 AM Welcome Pine4!
You wrote... ."I am now realizing that I have no control over her behaviour." Good for you! That is one of the biggest hurdles to get over. Bottom line is that we only have control over ourselves. I, too, found "Stop Walking on Eggshells" to be a very good book... .informative and helpful. Lucky you to have found this website because there is so much more to learn, not only from the links to the right |---> |--->, but from the rest of the parents who are also facing life with a child who exhibits BPD behaviours. Tell us more of your situtation... .has your daughter ever been officially diagnosed with BPD?... .has she (you) ever been in counselling? Once again, Pine4, welcome. Lots of support for you here. Huat Title: Re: I am trying to create healthy soellingboundaries Post by: bluek9 on April 02, 2018, 01:50:31 PM Welcome Pine4,
I join Huat in welcoming you to this board. So glad you found the book, the first one I read was I hate you, don't leave me. Wow talk about mind blowing, I thought I was reading "our" story. Huat is right, you will find great support here. If you have questions ask away, there is always feed back and input from other parents who walk the same path. Hope to hear more from you on how the book is helping. Title: Re: I am trying to create healthy soellingboundaries Post by: Pine4 on April 02, 2018, 06:32:53 PM Hello Huat,
My child has been in and out of counselling for the last five years. She finds something wrong with a counsellor and then she looks for another one. The two of us had been seeing a counsellor since the fall, but now I am going alone. The counsellor we were seeing together sees many of the BPD traits in my daughter. I guess on the upside, she continues to seek help. I know my daughter has been diagnosed with something from a psychiatrist, but she doesn't have to disclose it to me. In Canada, after a child is 14, they can keep their medical information to themselves. For the last five years I have been living with the suicide threats, the hatred and the blame. It has been exhausting, but I am slowly trying to disengage myself from it. This fall she decided to move out, so I am finding it a bit less stressful. It is very difficult to watch my intelligent, beautiful daughter act this way. Title: Re: I am trying to create healthy soellingboundaries Post by: Speck on April 02, 2018, 09:23:42 PM Hello, Pine4!
*hi* Please allow me to join Huat and bluek9 in welcoming you to the discussion forums. I'm so sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. I believe that you have found the best place in the world for understanding, compassion, and education as it relates to BPD, or facing emotionally intense relationships (as the byline of our logo says). So…we support each other here. I was a little scared when I joined, but mostly about having my fears confirmed. Now that they have been, I'm feeling much better. :) So, again, welcome! Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far: My daughter has many of the BPD traits. I have been trying to help her for 5 years. I am now realizing that I have no control over her behaviour. I hope I can find ways to help us both cope with her BPD. I am reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, and I can see how this has been affecting me for so long. I look forward to hearing others' input. You are among peers, friend. Unfortunately, there are legions of us! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. However, I think you'll find a lot of parallels here - lots of members (including me) have similar stories. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone. There are also site articles and helpful tools that can be utilized by you to help you navigate this relationship. The tools are for YOU, but in time, hopefully, they will assist in improving your overall relationship with your daughter. What do you think you need to do that will lend itself to a path of more harmony and peace for yourself? I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you. Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning! -Speck |