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This one has been wearing on me a bit as this was a constant point of frustration. Recall that my ex could not hold down a job and really did not want to work. She preferred to be a stay at home wife and tend to the home to make it cozy. That’s what she told me so I had no issues with it as my income was solid and I was a good provider.

With tending to the home, just has I have my job and role I must play as the husband, going to work, and all those other things that go with this, she knew that the domestic things such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry were the core responsibilities. These things are just as much work or can be as going to a job so I do not minimize these. Having been raised to be self-sufficient and take care of these items myself I thought they should be no big deal for her, after all this is what she stated she wanted , to be at home and tend to things.

Right from the start within a couple of weeks things would slide. I started having to straighten up, resuming the cooking, and tending to some of the laundry all when I arrived home from the office.

This started to cause points of frustration of which I am not one to let things linger so would address it. After all I was doing everything as per my role and a lot more. I gave her breaks from cooking, cleaning, and any residual laundry on the weekends. In hindsight I perhaps should not have as it’s not like she went to a job on the weekend to bring in extra income so why should I pick up where she was slacking off. However, being a nice guy I picked up the slack. Again, not without addressing it.

I’m sure I am going to answer my own questions with this statement, but it felt like I was raising a child not partnering with a woman as my wife. Or that she was purposefully being defiant to create conflict?

I sort of get perhaps maybe it was both, but this always confused me. Obviously after all the affairs she had and online flings it compound this issue and thought “If I am doing what I am suppose to and responsible for, then why are you not?”

Arrggh to have been married to a BPD individual is such a waste of time, having been taken advantage of, my good nature used against me, emotionally abused, and to understand that sex was just sex for her with no real intimacy just blows one’s mind, especially in what one precedes is a solid committed loving marriage. And what really tops it off is honestly all the cheating and then trying to make it look like it’s my fault.

Slightly venting there and got off track as to the real question, was all of this skirting her responsibilities to her daily role as a wife an act of defiance or more like just expecting too much out of her inner child?

-Darkblaez

remember with the rush of idealisation comes all that energy and self-affirmations - they may tell themselves "I have the best husband in the world", "Im going to have the best kept house in the neighbourhood"

Then as time goes on and the bubble bursts... ."oh how nice of him to leave this present for me (a stray sock) he didnt want a wife he wanted a damn slave?" ... ."oh i get it, he gets to go to work and chat up the secretary whilst im here controlled and isolated from the world"... ."hmm, ill show him I can have friends too, I have a right to have a life!"

ones with narc and ocd traits can be amazing housewives due to the drive towards achieving 'perfection', but dont expect to come home after a long day and relax in the show home/kitchen sterilised cleaner than a surgeons operating table.

Lazy and entitled amazingly mine did EXACTLY the same modus operandi. I am only now realizing how lucky I am to have dumped this K9 after 8 months of hell. Yesterday I checked out textings and I had been asking her to leave since November... .so she overstayed forcefully by about 5 mos. Albeit I had full benefits but I would have rather preffered her gone... .I was definitely in shock and some marbles loose when I finally put that pos on a flight to her mommas.

Mine would be on snapchat and other bs online and then get the house including taking a shower ready around 3pm... .the rest of the day was usually all phuckery for her.

If i got on her about laundry she'd get around to it... .but if I wasnt on top of her for anything who knows how far she woulda took online contacts and her pathetic boredom and shrug off of real life.

Putrid soulless beings... .an entirety of a life based only on impulses neverminding who they step on.
Lazy for all responsibilities... .they naturally prefer non productive impulses.