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Title: Ex BPD so casual to communicate Post by: Darkblaez on April 07, 2018, 11:12:47 AM Why is it so simple for my BPDex to just reach out to me be it casually with no emotion very business like. I am going no-contact and have just blocked her number. For me, I still get triggered when any hint of a communications comes from her. Again blocking all means of communications. Just seems like she would not want to communicate in any manner after splitting me black and labeling me the abusive ex to everyone. And aside from that she is the one that cheated so damn many times throughout the marriage so would she not take in to consideration a person not wanting to hear form her. I mean if I cheated on a significant other I would be pretty perceptive that my actions hurt them so not just casually reach out and say something like “can I get some photos of the dogs”. It's as if she forgot all the BS she put me through, Thoughts?
-Darkblaez Title: Re: Ex BPD so casual to communicate Post by: rj47 on April 07, 2018, 01:14:40 PM I'm out for over two years. It required a year before she mellowed enough to have a civil exchange. Then left me alone. She recently asked for advice concerning a long distance romance she's in. I kept it short, told her to be careful, encouraged her. Since then she's been finding subtle ways to communicate nice things about me, the financial support, relationship to our adult children, and business. I don't block her, just wait a day or two to respond and keep it short. A few days ago she asked via text if she could pick some personal items from storage. I messaged that she could come down with our daughter, get in the garage and take whatever she wanted. I've not heard back. I use a soft approach, friendly but quick, encouraging but removed. When she tries to turn it into a conversation I don't respond and she generally knows to back off. I'm not seeking affirmation, validation of who was, or encouragement. Hate to be a jerk, but considering there might be a different agenda after all she's been through and the progress she's made; I continue to err on the side of caution.
Be careful, tread lightly, and remain tuned in to your internal alarms is about the best I can offer. Title: Re: Ex BPD so casual to communicate Post by: Pencil sketch on April 07, 2018, 05:03:26 PM Remember, it's like dealing with a child.
They have no boundaries, no respect for boundaries, they live in the moment, forget what happened 5 minutes ago, and wonder why, we haven't moved on the same way they have. It is extremely frustrating. Mine left me with a curt, 'goodbye' and disappeared for 4 months, came back, as if nothing has happened, any effort to find a reason, ended up in more arguments, storming off, and so it goes on. Indifference, as explained by the other poster, is the only way. Title: Re: Ex BPD so casual to communicate Post by: Darkblaez on April 07, 2018, 06:54:40 PM Thanks ... Since this is so fresh for me and trying to get over the devastation I hope I can get to a point where I am indifferent. Right now every time there is a communications I cringe and my adrenaline kicks in because of the trauma she inflicted from what I understand. I tend to rationalize things and that level of being triggered for me is beyond logic but something I have to accept. I am hoping within a few months I can be fully detached, no longer triggered, and be indifferent. The replies help and give me different perspective from each situation others have been in
-Darkblaez |