BPDFamily.com

I have a mother and sister who both have BPD. They both treat me like garbage and I'm the 'All Bad One' (thus the user name).

I was just thinking how that works considering they are both dramatic, needy and downright mean.

Does anyone else have 2 in the family and how does that work with their dynamics? What role do you play?

My sister actually likes that I've been no contact with my mum for over 2 years so she can gain all of the love and support. My sister then uses me when she wants / needs me but shows me no support.
 

Sounds like you've been deemed The Black Sheep. I imagine it frustrating dealing with your sister,  the likely Golden Child. BS (double entendre?) Is assigned role.  That isn't who you are.  You, TheAllBadOne, aren't defined as a person by anybody else. Role playing is on their side. You are you. 

Is your sis trying to draw you into their dynamic? How does she use you?

Additionally, my sister likes to highlight everything she receives that I don't. Ie: people bailing her out financially, support looking after her kid, free furniture, cars, holidays... .you name it she's got it! Do your BPD family members do that?

Thanks Turkish. Hard not to feel that way sometimes.

Well she uses me for hardcore emotional support, financial support etc. Then once I've helped her she throws everything back in my face. Ie: highlighting what she gets from the family that I don't, never being supportive of me, being downright bitchy and judgemental, starting smear campaigns against me.

It even got so bad that her HAIRDRESSER (who I was using) blocked me from social media. I did nothing wrong there... .she obviously just spread untrue rumours about me.

And now, I'm left with no other choice but to play nice or else face her wrath. Despite her horrible behaviour. I mean, I'm a mum with no support and 2 kids and she parades the fact she gets 2 nights off from a kids a fortnight in front me me. SO MEAN!

Pretty unthankful... .

What happens if you stop supporting her financially  (to start, since she gets all that support from others)?

Both are not officially diagnosed, but my mother fits all the diagnostic criteria for BPD, and my sister has some sort of severe personality disorder... .like BPD in some ways but also very histrionic in others.

It was pretty well known but never spoken aloud that I was the favorite. I was more even-tempered than my older sibling who would frequently have tantrums and fits of anger if things didn't go exactly her way. I got good grades, was obedient, and did everything my mother asked. I was tasked to be the "appeaser" in my family... .always forgiving, always understanding. I was also the appeaser to my mother, made responsible for her volatile nature, and tasked with calming her down when I "did things to upset her." I was also my mother's therapist - even before my teen years she would talk to me about her unhappy marriage to my father, and would frequently ask me if I thought they should get divorced.

I grew up with a nanny... .we are a Latino family and had a live-in babysitter, basically. She is very normal in every sense of the word, and she raised me largely while my mother was working (she lived with us since before I was born until I turned 16). I am more similar to her than anybody else in my family. She was very unhappy living under my mother's roof, but years later she shared with me she stayed because she wanted to protect me. I owe her everything.

Now as an adult I have largely separated myself from my FOO because of their dysfunction, and roles have switched. I'm the black sheep. My mother in her elderly years has become the victim (previously I think was the witch). I don't know what role my sister plays as we are no longer in contact, but my guess is the rescuer. Of course having a second close family member with a personality disorder muddles up the whole dynamic even more... .so I feel for you. I hope you can see that the dynamics aren't your fault or your responsibility to fix.

Yes, but I grew up an only child.  Both of my parents have BPD.  My childhood was a big Karpman Drama Triangle. 

Hello  

My mum is BPD, my dad has NPD traits. His parents were NPD (grandfather) and BPD (grandmother).
My sister is probably BPD, but I unfortunately don't know her well enough to be sure.
My whole FOO turned away from me when I started to learn a more healthy way to relate to them. I have always been the scapegoat and didn't even realize that. Once I did, I didn't want to accept it anymore because I finally felt like I was not the abnormal one... .they very quickly teamed up against me.  Please don't feel like you are the problem, because you are not.

Xxx

Give yourself a big pat on the back that you see the situation for what it is and are taking steps to protect yourself. I, too, became the black sheep once I started distancing myself from the family. Neither of my parents have been diagnosed, and would never admit to needing help, but IMO my mother has classic BPD symptoms and my stepfather skews more towards NPD. I grew up in a house where they both raged at each other, and still do, and I've only just figured out that instead of getting divorced (which would be the logical thing), they are actually feeding off each other. It's only getting worse as they age.

Take care of yourself.