BPDFamily.com

I just feel so lost and all alone reading books and trying to help my husband of 50 plus years he fell last year in January had sugary on his ankle and was in nursing home 8 weeks first time in may went back in hospital had plates screws taking out was in nursing home 6 more weeks then in October 20 fell broke his left hip and had 3 screws put in .was put in nursing home 6 more weeks has bad  foot on right ankle the one he broke has to wear a boot at all time.he is full of hate and is very veible abusive .I have been reading many books about BPD and sometimes they help but it is very hard to be nice to someon couldnt take of himself and i struggle taking care of home who is so anery at you he blames me for the accedent last year as I didn't take him to a Dr apt he was going to. my grandson was going to take him and he fell out of his car in our driveway and this is what started the ball rolling I'm trying to do some of the things it says on your site but sometimes I feel lost and alone is this normal concidering the place we are at in our life I want to run away sometimes and never come back but he can't make it without me so I feel trapped he has BPD but he transfer it all on me thank you for listening I do have a therapist not sure if th I s is helping me or not.sincerely  God Is Love

I'm sorry that you are going feeling so trapped. Living with someone with BPD can be so lonely at times. Add having to take care of him physically too can lead to increased stress.

When your H becomes verbally abusive, can you leave the house?

Hi there, God is Love.  Y'all have been going through some pretty rough times.

People with BPD suffer a lot from not knowing how to manage their feelings without hurting others.  He sounds like he is full to the brim with pain, anger and lots of frustration at being dependent on you, and just in general at being injured.

I don't know if he was pretty active at all before he was injured and had to have surgeries - if he was abler to move around and now he can't, that is a LOT of reason for anyone to be upset.  That does not mean he should take it out on you or anyone, but people often do what they shouldn't, especially when mad.  I am assuming he might also be adjusting to being a shut in, if he is unable to care for himself, so he's probably just a big bundle of angry, even if BPD was not part of the equation.

To a much lesser extent, I have had to take on caretaking duties with my husband, as he has been seeing his health decline over the last few years (he's only 40 )  He resents at times having to rely on me to do thigs for him - it insults his independence and his masculinity no matter how caring and kind and mindful of such things I try to be.  I have to be careful to not do too much, and to let him do (or encourage him to) do things he CAN do.  I do not want to be his mother, and sadly with his BPD I already do a disproportionate amount of things as it is. 

How much time can you spend doing things away from him?  What tasks do you feel he can't do?  Is he in any form of physical therapy?  Do you have any home health providers in your area who can assist?  Those services are often included in some insurance or are affordable, and the extra help can be worth it.  Do you have family close by, or friends, who can come visit and give him interaction with people?  Or assist you with tasks?  Do you have clergy to whom you can turn if your therapist is not able to comfort and counsel you? 

Try to remember just because he tries to put blame on you, you do not have to accept it.  He can insult you and be mean, but it does not make those things true.  BPD is him projecting his anger onto you, trying to make you the cause of it all because he can't deal with it on his own.  Spouses and children are usually the easiest targets, as we have shown we will take it, or have to take it, and won't outright just abandon them, even though that is one thing they all seem to fear. 

No, I don't think feeling lost and alone if "normal" for anyone, no matter what stage in life they exist.  And now, you're definitely not alone - we're all here with you :)

Yesterday and all week has been tough .I m reading every day how to cope with all the veable abuse  and the negativity that goes on with this type of  illness .Im not lost or alone just tired and blamed to the max some days . We have 2 adult sons and I have a number of close friends. I have a therapist who I visit once a month. I also work outside the home taking care of a 98 year old very
Kind caring gentleman who has no memory of today only the past. I have tried my whole life to make it work .I thankful for all the new research and books to help me He refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him so I'm trying to get help for myself there is a great number of good advice on this site and I'd like to thank everyone who is there for all of us.I am very active in my church and have a lot of faith that is what got me this far.Thanks for your help having a better day learning to take care of myself more everyday.Some days it seems impossible to find an even ground to talk to him and express myself .I do out with my friends once a week and he doesn't like it but I feel it is necessary to be with people who can carry on a conversation and not disagree with everything I say.  There is a day program I'm hoping he can get into if he will go .Sorry about yesterday's message I guess at that moment I felt all alone but I'm not I have very special friends and family and now I have more. Thanks God Is Love

 How are things going now God is Love?