BPDFamily.com

Has anyone just chosen NC and to just live?  I have a really good life!  I am blessed, great kids, small family but close with my brother and several cousins.  I had a loving relationship with my mom, my dad as well I with him until he passed.  I have an amazing "male friend", a good job I enjoy and friends.  Of course there is my sister... .Sometimes I just feel it is what it is.  I can not control her but I can control myself.  Do we just "live" and save the hurt and hate and move forward?  Does it help to just stop talking about it?  My sister is a regular on a chat forum she told me about.  She writes a lot of "fiction" there, stories leaving out important details of her actions which are key in understanding the circumstances.  I have not been reading her "cr*p" for about 6 weeks and I feel great!  Let her write tales of being a victim etc.  I am living my life.  Is it possible to let go and not think about the trauma and bullying they put upon us?  I am trying very hard... .

It is possible, but it takes time for sure.  I have been NC with my uBPD mom for a few years now.  At first, it was very hard, especially knowing she was painting me black to anyone who would listen.  But as time has passed, I've seen that despite her talk, the people who we both interact with don't treat me differently and life goes on.  For a long time after going NC I was just in a state of apprehension, waiting for the next shoe to drop.  Eventually, I realized that even if she did try to contact me, or if she did say horrible things about me to others, it didn't really matter.  I think time helps though.  The longer you have some distance, the easier it gets to realize how insane the relationship was and see clearly how much better life is without all of that added stress.  I still wish that I could have a relationship with her, but I know that isn't my reality and can understand that this is better for both of us in the end. 

Hey Pina colada,

I’ve been NC with my NPD bro long time now and that works really well. But he would sabotaged my life big time when he was around, because he got so jealous. The theory states, he’s probably doing the same to someone else "we covert those we see every day". He has lived alone his whole adult life.  So I’m not alone in the NC.

Before I could do that, I had to accept he would never change. I guess we hanker for the relationships we deserved, a normal sibling relationship. So have you grieved the sister you should have had ? Are you contemplating low contact or no contact ?

I think it is possible to not add to the trauma and bullying that has already gone on by doing exactly what you have recently started doing --->  not searching out her posts about you and monitoring what she says.  If memories and emotions arise, I would not recommend ignoring them but rather acknowledge them, write about them here if you feel the need and just observe them and then let them go. 

Good job!   |iiii