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Stop me if you've heard this one before... .

So, I'm finally getting around to reading this book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.

The basic idea is that no matter how horrible the actions against us are, we must learn to radically forgive them (and pretty much see this as an immense act of love and thank them (Crazy, I know!) because they are helping us to process our core unresolved issue(s) that when resolved will set us free of all terrestrial emotional limitations and possibly even fix the relationship as the reason for the cruelty dissipates.

It goes on to postulate traditional human forgiveness in and of itself is an incredible act fraught with difficulties, yet Radical Forgiveness is on a deeper spiritual plane not better just different than terrestrial forgiveness.

I have to say this is a very tough sell for me right now, but I can appreciate the thinking (or feeling) behind it. It's Freud's repetition compulsion on steroids. In which case it really is us who picked our pwBPD to do these horrendous things to us to force us to resolve our issues from long ago, otherwise we are bound to make the same mistake in one way or the other over and over again.

Thoughts?

J

Jeffree 

Gosh that does seem like a bit of a huge stretch. I can see how that might be possible. I'm interested in hearing others' thoughts on this.

Re your thread title, I like this quote for forgiveness (Mary McCarthy, 1971):

Date: 3-2011(https://bpdfamily.com/book-covers/spacer.gif)Minutes: 23:20
Radical Forgiveness - Colin Tipping

You are reading a book based on Zen Buddhism.

In Buddhism there is a core belief that everything happens for a reason and we should embrace what happens to us in life as this is all part of a divine plan and is all a part of the gifts and lessons we need to learn in life to be fulfilled.

This video is a little more first hand on what Tipping is teaching.

The book is published by Sounds True (https://www.soundstrue.com/store/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=psearch&utm_campaign=Brand%20-%20Sounds%20True&utm_adgroup=sounds%20true&utm_term=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5Oi7-OrG2gIVgyJpCh30fAjeEAAYASAAEgIu8_D_BwE), a spiritual publisher.

Jump to 3:56. What do you think of what he is saying there? "Willing to entertain that there was a divine purpose in this [tragedy] to development me spiritually"

Hey Jeffree, I think that is the gift we get in the aftermath of a BPD r/s.  It's a crucible that forces us to confront our own wounds, which is painful but beneficial.  Indeed, it leads to new growth.

LJ

Hi, I have to say I agree with a lot of what he's been saying even though I'm not really into the hokey pokey spiritual talk... .I have done a lot of work to forgive my family and have made a lot of progress. At a certain point in the video here he speaks of an "energy" shift when you are able to forgive and that everyone involved in the conflictual situation experiences benefit when you are able to forgive. I have definitely experienced this with my family. Having forgiven them and completely changed my behaviour away from one of "reaction" (because let's face it when you have not forgiven you are in reaction mode) to one of "action" reflecting who I really am and what I really want which is kindness, connection and authenticity. I am able to live these values out with my nieces which is often in very deep contrast to the behaviours of the rest of my family. They have taken note and see that there is this other way to interact with others which is one that involves love, rather than constant competition, criticism, jealousy, and negative conflict.

My nieces have responded in really extraordinary ways and are reciprocating in ways that feel truly magical. All this under the curious and surprised gaze of the other adults in the family who are used to constant conflict. When they see people they know so well and sometimes have a lot of difficulty drawing boundaries with, relating through love rather than conflict I think it strikes a chord that they can't ignore and so I've seen them making efforts to go in that direction. My role in the family has made a 180 from scapegoat to someone who is showing them a new way to live and interact with loved ones.

I needed to allow myself to get very angry first, and allow those suppressed feelings that I hid away, before there even was anything that I could forgive.

its hard to forgive someone who has never asked for forgiveness, or accepted they have ever done wrong.

but I recently in fact did, and I never thought that id be able to. It can only be radical forgiveness in a true form if we fully accept the hurt and damage caused to us first and associate this person as been directly responsible for it.

Jeffree this sounds quite bold. I want to support you here with hope that this might be a fruitful path for you.  :) I'm looking forward to your sharing on this.

Hey, I'm more messenger than disciple here.

All I know is that traditional forgiveness will be hard enough for me to muster right now, so Radical Forgiveness is way off in the distance.

In theory it sounds OK, but practically speaking I have a big issue with all of it.

J

I am familiar with Radical Forgiveness.  I perceived it as he ability to reach resolution on a core spiritual issue that will continue to present itself until resolved.  There is an element of reincarnation mentioned, as in the issue and lesson will represent throughout multiples lives.