BPDFamily.com

I've been on a "roller coaster" with my wife for 23 years.  For 22 years I was convinced I was doing something wrong (caretaker), but this past year I've read a lot about BPD/NPD and the triangle of roles we are stuck in.  I'm now putting 2 and 2 together.  I used to be the one my NPD would confide in about how f'd-up everyone else was (her parents, her boss, her sister, her friend, and on and on).  :)on't get me wrong, I took my share of criticism too (you never... ., you always... ., etc).  Seeking knowledge has changed my perception of our relationship... .for ever. Now the stories her family would sometimes tell of her growing up and having conflict with girlfriends, teachers, coaches, etc. make sense to me.    Funny, but my youngest daughter (16) has the exact same issues in high school.  Some of my motivation to working on myself is to be a better father to a possible NPD daughter.  The dots of the past 23 years are starting to be connected for me and I'm looking foreward to finding support from this group.  So, do you recommend getting a therapist to help guide the process?  if so, how do you find a therapist that is well versed in BPD/NPD and caretaker relationships?  Thanks for reading.

Hi nweb,

What kinds of behaviors lead you to believe that your daughter is NPD?

You could yet to connect with a local NAMI resource here: https://www.nami.org/Find-Support

On this board,  we can support you with learning about communications strategies which can help reduce conflict. Can you tell us about what's going on right now and how you are struggling?

Turkish

Welcome, Bethinetrue!

*welcome*

I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the discussion forums. I'm so sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. From what you have written, it seems clear you will get good ideas and support here if you continue to read and post. In short, you have found the best place in the world for understanding, compassion, and education as it relates to coping with loved ones who have personality disorders.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:


As far as a therapist goes: Yes, absolutely, find one ASAP. I think Turkish has given you some good advice on where to start with your search for one specific for BPD/NPD. A therapist can help you re-frame your emotional landscape into something more manageable, so that you are able to process this stuff safely. In my case, as soon as my wife left me (for the fourth time), I called a therapist. A month later, I joined this site and started participating in the tools, lessons, and discussions. I also make sure to get adequate rest, sleep, and exercise. I'm feeling better every day because I keep doing what works (re-read this paragraph!). :thought: You can start to feel better, too, and I sure hope this is the case.

I am so sorry you are faced with this. Even so, I just have to applaud you for being willing to continue to put forth effort into understanding your wife and daughter. In my opinion, that's true love. This site is rather HUGE, however, there are many, many articles related to bettering your relationship with the angle of using healthy communication techniques, setting needed boundaries, and validating what is valid. You will find these articles in the right-handed panel on this board. We can help you with questions, point you in the direction of additional resources, or just be a sounding board.

Tell us more about yourself and your story. It helps you to get it out, and it helps others when they see that they are not the only ones suffering. Also, it may be helpful to you (and others) if you were to join other discussions/threads. Active camaraderie can be very healing and may be the little bit of magic that you're looking for. We look forward to hearing more from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck