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It's been almost 18 months since I heard from my ex. She made a false allegation to the police about me harassing her which means I am cannot contact her again even if I wanted too.

I spent 2017 single and researched co dependency and have learned a lot about myself in that time.

I joined pof and tinder in Jan this year and have been on several dates. Last week I saw her profile on tinder and swiped left. I live in a small area and the same people keep coming up every 2 days without fail. Her profile did not come up again .

Yesterday she came up in my new users on POF I saw her on there for the entire evening then she was gone in the morning. I never veiwed her profile but searched and found her. She has now totally disappeared.

She knows I have no intention of contacting her and due to the false allegation she made, I can't even if I wanted to.

Why would she disappear so quickly? Toxic shame? Triggering her? I just don't get it

It could be that she was just testing the waters with POF. A lot of people who are thinking about using dating services go online, look around, try to decide if they are in the mood to do it. Could be she just broke up with someone or hasn't dated in a while and is getting ready to put herself out there.

It could also be that she saw you and felt uncomfortable with you being able to see into her life - pwBPD often over emote - she could feel violated - especially if something has happened in her life and she is feeling raw from it.

It's 18 months. A lot has transpired.

Your's was a 6 month deal. The breakup hit you hard.  You've been working on yourself. What have been your greatest revelations?

Hi Aman.

I don't know much about POF. I'm assuming the algorithm allows her to see that you searched for her, or that she noticed you as a member. If that's the case, I'd say triggering. Or just go with the wording that Skip used a few minutes ago; that she felt uncomfortable.

If you can force Exes-and-Social-Media into two camps, there are the ones who will cut ties, and others who will continue to check their exes posts. Personally, I think blocking/unfollowing/ignoring is healthier. Seeing an ex's posts can open old wounds. And there's the added problem that some people use social media to paint a glowing picture of themselves. All you see is My Ex's Greatest Hits, which can be translated to "Look how great I'm doing now without that other person in my life." Not a good thought to have floating around in your brain while you're trying to move on.

-ngu

i also dont know much about how these programs work, but if she was there for entire evening, it could have been as a bait hoping you would initiate a contact that she could then use against you, to validate that you are the guilty one in the R/S and had stalked her.

That is only one line of thought about it.

She has caused you a lot of trouble (as well as potential trouble) by getting the police involved, if I would be in your situation I would be avoid her like the plague. If I saw her online just block/delete or whatever it is to make sure you dont get placed in a compromising situation.

ive been on tinder and pof since january. i spent 2017 reflecting on myself and what caused me to stick with my ex despite the red flags.

in april i saw her profile on POF. i live in a sparsley populated area so new profiles appear in my feed and stay there for a while. i never checked her profile, i just got in with my night shift. the following morning, i checked my messages and out of curiosity searched for users that match her details. she was gone. she was on pof for less than 24 hours and deleted her profile.

the week before, i was swiping on tinder. same thing, her profile appeared and i swiped right. usually, users i swipe right to will appear the next day. nothing since.

i dont think its that unrealistic to beleive she saw my profile and decided to delete hers but i cant figure out why. she made a harassment order to the police (false accusations) and i cannot contact her even if i wanted to. she wss on POF after we broke up and would check my profile and add me as a favourite despite me not responding. i explained all this to the police which they took note of.

i cant figure out why she would do this? does she feel guilt and toxic shame which is triggered when she sees my photo? does she have an illogical and unfounded fear that i will harass her? it seems strange to me. if she did not care about me and my feelings, why not just continue using the site and just block me?