BPDFamily.com

Hi All,

I have filed a charge of contempt against my BPD/NPD ex, and the court has ordered a social worker to investigate the case of my three children, draft a report and recommend any changes to the visitation schedule. I am currently EOW.

1. Has anybody had any positive or negative experience working with a social worker which they could share?
2. What are some tips and tricks to do or avoid?
3. What should be my focus. (I'm thinking the children and the parenting plan)
4. How much detail should I go into about ex, or should I let the social worker come to her own conclusions about the issues involved?

Background for those not familiar with the case:

My ex has been diagnosed with BPD, Narcissitic traits and various other fun bits.

She is dangerous, cunning and manipulative, and I have no doubt she is thinking that this process is going to vindicate her stated aims to have me removed as the children's father.

I chose this particular social worker, because she has a good reputation with the courts, and her qualifications are thus:

B.Soc Sci (Hons) (Social Work) (cum laude) M Med Sci (Social Work) (cum laude) PhD (Social Work)

Has anyone walked you through the process and what to expect?

If not, is there a way you can find out how things will work?

What kind of information will the social worker have about your case before she meets?

Has your L given you any advice on how best to respond?

No, I had a chat to her today. She asked me to send any documents to her which I want her to consider. She said she will meet with the parents first and then decide what she wants to do thereafter.


She said, whatever we provide will be shared between parties.

I'm thinking:
- Parenting plan
- Family advocate report
- Response to Curator's report (ie rebuttal of sexual abuse allegations, including my mom's first hand testimony)
- Evidence of parenting alienation, described in line with jiu jitsu language a "coalition of disrespect and hate"
- Recording of ex going ape and swearing madly, with the children crying (not sure on this one, I included it in the family advocate pack, and the outcome was heavily in my favour)
- Affidavit where she admits to mental illness and abusing me and the children.
- Report by marriage counselor where ex describes her upbringing in a poor light (I want to highlight that the dysfunction is an extended family problem. (ie If everyone is like that my kids think it normal, to lie, hurt people, blame everyone else, and generally disrespect them). And she paints me in positive light.
- My sister's character reference.


No, but the advocate said. If it goes badly, we'll cross that bridge. (Curator went badly - no-one was expecting that). So even if this specialist doesn't work out, she's a fighter and we'll figure out a different way.

I think her message was ":)on't F it up", rather than "this is how you do it".  I learned from the curator experience (I didn't do particularly well - maybe said too much, came across too strongly). This is 6-8 week process, not a once off. I don't need to give all the meat at first. Maybe I should start with the bones and put flesh on the skeleton as we go  (sorry terrible metaphor :)

A good way to start would be to forward all the info I sent to the family advocate in October. The outcome was very good there. and say there is additional detail should she require any clarification.

I've been really impressed by my advocate, she's been very demure in court, non-sensationalist, but her paperwork is immaculate. Extremely high quality affidavits including the one we responded to, on the curator's sexual allegations. The judges appreciate the thoroughness apparently. We got everything we wanted on Tuesday. Her quiet almost awkward demeanor hides some steel. It appears her reputation with the judges is impeccable. 

Dare I hope for the best here, after 4 years of this nonsense?