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Title: Daughter With BPD Cut Me Off From Grandchildren Post by: Suzin on April 30, 2018, 01:06:31 PM Hello, this is my first post. My adult daughter has BPD, she has 2 children. We have had many disagreements, but were able to repair the relationship. About a month ago, my daughter stopped communicating with me. Not knowing the reason, or what to do, I left her alone. Then a week ago she started texting my husband. I sent her a very positive text, reiterating respecting her wishes, validating her feelings, and reinforcing that I love her. My only request was not to put my husband in the middle. She responded with cutting me out of her life, I am not allowed to see my grand children, calling me derogatory names, cursing at me, accusing me of things that are not true and blaming me for everything that she ever did wrong.
I need advise on what to do, as it breaks my heart not to see my grandchildren. Title: Re: Daughter With BPD Cut Me Off From Grandchildren Post by: Huat on April 30, 2018, 03:12:13 PM Hello Suzin and welcome
My heart really goes out to you because I do know your pain. I have walked in your shoes. The ultimate hurt our BPD'er can inflict on us is to use their children, our precious grandchildren, as pawns. While I have always been my daughter's target, I have been the one she ran to when the chips were down... .and God knows the chips were down many, many times over the years. It was always my job to filter the news on down to her father who never really took the reins... .but would follow my lead in doing whatever it was that could be done to help her. So... .all that said... .she idolizes her father and has always worked on pulling him into a triangulation situation (see to the left |---> |--->under "Tools"... ."Know Good vs Bad Triangulation". Seems this is what your daughter is doing, too. The only advice I can give you, Suzin, is to play it as cool as you can. Not an easy task when your heart is breaking. The thing is, your daughter is looking for a reaction from you, something to show that her arrow is hitting its mark. Don't add fuel to her fire. Don't take on the sorry role of "victim." Believe me when I say it took me so long to do that. In retrospect I can see how badly I handled those situations at the time. Eventually a calm period would come but at some point, sooner or later, another episode would erupt. I so urge you to do your homework here. Read up on all the materials you can. Keep in contact in/on this forum, sharing your experiences... .the ups... .the downs. We are all here for help and in turn, reach out to help others. Once again, Suzin, welcome! You are not going to be able to change your daughter but you are going to be able to change YOU and she will notice. Huat Title: Re: Daughter With BPD Cut Me Off From Grandchildren Post by: bluek9 on April 30, 2018, 04:17:31 PM Hi Suzin,
I welcome you along with Huat. I so sorry your precious grandkids are in the middle of your daughters mix. What a heart break for you. I agree with Huat also about the triangulation. My situation is a bit different, I'm raising my grandson. While my BPDD and he live with me, it can prove to be very difficult at times. What are the ages of the kids? Sometimes we have to be creative about how contact takes place, sometimes we need to sit back and take a break. Keep posting, I'd to know how you're coping. Title: Re: Daughter With BPD Cut Me Off From Grandchildren Post by: Suzin on May 01, 2018, 02:34:17 PM My grandchildren are 4 & 10 years old. Thank you for your response. yesterday I was having a melt down concerning not being able to see or contact my grand children. Today is a better day. I have been reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" - this has helped.
Title: Re: Daughter With BPD Cut Me Off From Grandchildren Post by: bluek9 on May 01, 2018, 04:07:41 PM Glad to hear that today is better, great book. Keep posting :thought:
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