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My child (16 YO) has just spent 45 min screaming at me for the 3rd time this week.  It's very hard to take that in and not have it hurt.
We're working at validating and I felt like I did a good job but the end result was me still standing there being yelled at.
I just wanted to post that.
It's hard and unrewarding and I feel like I don't have a life because I spend it taking care, driving, cooking, paying for someone who just told me I'm a terrible parent and they hate me.  They don't want to sit and talk through any of the most basic of items like what days/time they need a ride or what paperwork they need signed, etc.

Hi Chucks Mom

 *hi*

Welcome to bpdfamily, I'm glad you're here with us and sorry what your dealing with your young daughter, you must be truly exhausted three rages in a week, it hurts and it's hard not to take it personally, it sucks!

Is there anything that might be particularly stressing your son out, school, exams? Some here find a calm time to say, using 1.16| Communicate - S.E.T (Support, Empathy and Truth) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0) that they will leave the room when their pwBPD begins a rage and once the situation has calmed down, cooled off, offer to agree a time to discuss what's on their mind. Making it clear in advance what you will do, what you're not prepared to accept, being raged at. Do you think that might help you, worth trying?

You are not alone  

WDx

Thanks for your response! :) I agree and understand that stress is a huge driver of outbursts.  When the initial outburst happens, I ask clarifying questions, validate how it must be hard what she's going through, about how she's feeling and if there is anything I/we need to do that would make her feel better or if she just needs to vent.  I must be doing it wrong because it makes her angry when I ask questions to understand.  She'll refer to people and situations that I don't know so, I'll ask who is that and where/when did that happen?  That can make it worse.  It's hit/miss.  And then she'll rage for around 1/2 hour (Her record is a little over 4 hours).  Then, later in the day (this weekend, it was 20 minutes later), she's giggling and will want to show me a Youtuber she likes as if the prior screaming/hatred never happened.  It's maddening.

We are currently working with a counselor and have done parent DBT training.  I have read Walking on Eggshells/companion Family Guide plus BPD in Adolescents.  Our child has also completed DBT training (she said it was worthless-we thought it was awesome!) and we have all been to individual & family psychologists and a psychiatrist for the past 8+ years.

Calling a time out and walking away angers her so much.  Our prior psych had us doing that.  Our daughter says that when we do that, we are proving that we don't care.  She says that if we really cared, we would stay and 'take it'.  She screams how much she hates us and what bad parents we are.  I don't think I can emotionally/physically do it anymore.  It's just asking too much.  I stand there, tell myself I am strong and take it while breathing and thinking to myself that this won't go on forever.

She has a 14 yo sister who hides in her room during the whole thing.  She's very withdrawn.  We get her out to a safe place ASAP but sometimes it's hard because of the randomness of the explosions so, she does get exposed to it.

It's just hard and it's been a particularly bad week.  Thanks for reading this.

Hi Chucks Mom, 

              So very sorry to hear about the verbal abuse you are taking. The tounge lashings hurt just like a whip to your heart. And NO you don't have to stand there and take it. Even though she tells you if you love her you will. And yes I know about the walking away making it worse. My daughter follows me around when I try to leave the area. At one point she actually broke a door off the hinges to get to me. It can so hard initially to put our boundaries in place with our children. It sounds like you like you have already done a tremendous amout of work. You're so right some days, weeks can be harder than others. Keep posting. You will find a lot of support here.