BPDFamily.com

In short, ex starting court proceedings last October. She managed to get an ex parte order preventing me from seeing my kids alleging that I am a risk to them. Managed to get court order overturned. Has been two court hearings since... .no changes to childcare. Court ordered CPS report states 50-50 custody. She is appealing this report stating that I am a risk to kids.

In October she made allegations of abuse to CPS- they didn't contact me.

In November she went to a DV charity and made allegations of DV and child abuse. They referred to CPS. CPS didn't contact me.

In December she made allegations to police. No further action. Police referred to CPS, and cps didn't contact me.

She managed to get a job as a DV specialist working with families, despite having a Police Caution for DV (a UK approach to dealing with things outside of courts).  In April she was suspended from work- she put this is her recent court papers and blames me for it.

Yesterday school contacted me, she made allegations about me to the school and they have referred this to CPS. I am waiting to hear from CPS.

Next court hearing is in September. Final court hearing is in October.

I remain 50-50. This is never ending. i realise these are frantic efforts to prevent me from seeing kids. I guess her failure so far to do this via the court, and her suspension from work, are making matters worse. None-the-less this is really stressful.

Hi SES,

Whew! That is a lot!                  


Yes, you hit it on the the head, but it is really hard going through all of this stuff.  The good news is that no one seems to be buying what she is selling.

Divorcing someone with BPD is often an exhausting marathon but hang in there your kids need you  |iiii

It's important that you take care of you... .what are you doing for self care these days?

Hang in there,
Panda39

My ex too made allegations wherever she could, court protection and harassment motions, CPS, hospital ER, hospital's regional child abuse unit, child therapy agency, etc.  She even tried to invoke Amber Alert when I took our child, then a preschooler, on vacation.  It is heart wrenching to live through it.

After a few years she lost more and more credibility.  Hold on to your parenting, be proactive, take the long term perspective, you'll get through this eventually.

Thanks foreverdad and panda... .

A week later and cps haven't contacted me.  

Of note, a law firm offered no-win no-fee terms to start legal proceedings against CPS for their reports that state I am suicidal, homicidal, that my employer is concerned about my mental state and that my employer asked me to take time off work due to concerns about my mental state, etc. etc.- all of which are untrue. My ex used the reports to support her court application that I was a risk to my kids. As result I had a month last year when I wasn't allowed any contact with them. The lawyers are approaching this as a breach of privacy, defamation etc. Turns out my exes job as  a DV specialist meant she was working closely with CPS. I'm assuming that CPS listened to my ex and took all she said as gospel.

In the UK the barristers write the order for the judge... at the last hearing exes barrister added an additional and false order into court order.  I challenged it... it has taken a while but the court ordered that her additions are retracted. Clearly the judge could remember what he had actually said in the hearing.

Life still seems like an alternative reality.

It works the same way in my state.

My L wanted me to pay for her to write the orders instead of the other L. It costs extra, but it can create an important advantage, especially when the legal abuse is on the high end of high conflict.

I believe the clerk of court writes down what the judge rules where I live, then one of the Ls writes it into an order. Then both Ls and clients return to court to have it officially entered. Is it the same way in the UK?


I felt the same way for 4 years.

Then, when the court began to recognize ex as the problem, it s l o w l y began to taper off. And I mean s l o w l y  

I had to shift my focus to legal strategy with much more intent because so many small losses were happening in the technical parts, where there were tiny loopholes I had to close.

It was exhausting.

Even just seeing the court house makes me feel all those old feelings.