BPDFamily.com

Hello To All,
I'm about to testify in court about stories my exBPD told me about her childhood, (most of theses stories I have in text messages).  These stories include child molestation and abuse and I was wondering if she lied to get sympathy from and to keep me in the relationship.  My T reviewed the text messages and even court transcripts and even said "she lies and she dosn't even know she's lying" but he can't tell if the stories or true or false.  The way my T put it, "if they are true stories you should have empathy and feel sorry for her, if they are false stories you should also have empathy and feel sorry for her that she needs to make up stories like this". Has anyone had any similar experiences with their BPD.

My dBPD sister lies about childhood abuse. She will tell the most outrageous stories and she gets major sympathy from her supporters. When I was in contact with her, I would say "I don't remember that." To which she would respond "Oh, you are just blanking it out because of what was done to you."  No, I wasn't "blanking it out". I remember being abused. By HER. And the thing is, she believes all of her stories. A friend of mine who worked with my sister for awhile told me "Your sister lies. And she believes those lies!"

Hello Deb,
Have you ever tried getting her help or does she just deny it?

In general, I think that people like BPDs and NPDs tend to rewrite history to benefit themselves. From what I've seen, it seems like they convince themselves of what "really" happened and if you disagree (because you were there, for example) then they may claim you're the one lying. It's like their reality is the one and only reality and perspective. It's frustrating to deal with.

I also think they may feel insecure and probably crave some sort of sympathy, attention, validation from whoever they can. Kind of like a self-imposed martyrdom and/or victimhood. For example, my ex seems to have convinced himself that I abused him all these years when he is the one who emotionally abused me. Even our marriage counselors told me he was abusive to me. I was diagnosed with PTSD from the abuse and have been in therapy for a few years because of it. Taking several steps back to try to look at the big picture, I think he can't face even the possibility that what he did to me is abusive. I think he has very deep rooted shame-based issues that prevent him from taking a good look at his behaviors. It also seems like his brain is wired differently which helps somewhat but still makes it difficult to deal with at times.

My ex told me about her childhood.  I think it was the truth.  One pattern she told was that her stepfather told her, "If you don't let me touch you, I touch your sister."  Only years later as adults did the girls compare stories and find out he pressured them both with that threat.  He also said, "If you tell anyone then you'll get blamed."  And her mother told the girls, "If either of you do anything with my husband I'll kick you out."  To this day I believe what the girls related to me.

However, my family dysfunction became worse once I became a father.  Increasingly she would compare me to him.  No, not the abuse. it was about being on time.  Any time I was later than she expected she would rant, "My SF was never late, he was always early!"  From there it got worse.  I concluded that me becoming a father meant I was cast as him, the abuser.  Increasingly I couldn't reason with her and the marriage imploded.

Her perceptions of the separation, divorce and later are all skewed.  In court when she listened to recordings of her rants about me and exchange demands she stated, "That's my voice but I don't remember it."  I had 9 or 10 recordings and each time she said that.  Maybe she truly doesn't remember.  But... .how is it that she was always able to parse her words in such a way as to avoid most inconsistencies?  Despite her Denials she had to remember at least some of it.  Was it consciously or unconsciously?  Who can say for sure either way?

Hi Newyoungfather,
My sister told me she was diagnosed with it. But then, she decided that I diagnosed her with it and she is fine, it's just that we are all mean to her.   But I have been NC with her for many years now. I did that for my own sanity. She abused me badly when we were children, including trying to drown me twice. She abused her 2 oldest children who do not speak to her. They have been NC longer than I have. She doesn't want to get help because that would mean she would have to admit something is wrong with her. That will never happen.

I will say that not all people with BPD are adverse to getting help. I have a friend who has worked hard to overcome the BPD. She is doing quite well.

Foreverdad, I have a dBPD friend who has been in recovery for BPD. She WAS abused by her father who admitted it to my friend's ex. I won't go into what he said, but friend's ex had to walk away from him because he wanted to be the cr&p out of that man. So some BPD people have been horribly abused. And some have not.

My STBX claimed he was sexually abused by both his father and mother. I no longer believe it. The reason I no longer believe it is that he lied about my physically abusing him. (He's a foot taller, 20 years younger, and I never even spanked my kids. I did yell at him on occasion. My T said, I should aim for an 80/20 split--if I were emotionally available, healthy, and stable 80% of the time, then the 20% wasn't bad. Not necessarily great, but that I could learn to accept that kind of split.)

I have often wondered the flip side regarding my SO's uBPDx.  She denied any abuse but some of her behaviors hint at something. Her victimdom (is that a word  :) comes in the form of hypochondria... .there is always a new dreaded disease on the horizon.

Her particular brand of BPD includes keeping up appearances... .both her own (which she fails at) and around her family (they are on a pedestal) so the denial could be to protect her family image or nothing happened.

Have I told you I discovered BPD by Googling "Chronic Lying" 

From what I've read sexual abuse can be a component of BPD but not all people with BPD are sexually abused, just like all sexually abused people don't develop BPD.

Panda39

What's the purpose of testifying about the stories, whether true or not?

@LivedNLearned-I'm a plantif in a different court proceeding other than child custody against the mother of my child.