BPDFamily.com

After countless struggles with our [non-diagnosed] BPD mother, as well as her reluctance to seek out help for herself, my brother and I have decided it may be time to engage in family therapy with our mom. We all live in different places so in-person therapy is out of the question. Many online therapy options have become available more recently and we were hoping to find a family therapist who specializes in BPD who might be able to see us remotely. If you have any suggestions, we would be most appreciative.

Hi.  We don't make recommendations to particular therapists but I can guide you to psychologytoday.com and their find a therapist section. 

Have you and your brother thought about getting individual therapy?  Sometimes that works out much better than family therapy especially when dealing with a person with undiagnosed BPD (pw uBPD)

I've used phone therapy. Worked very well, but just one warning, if you miss the slot or are late, you lose the money. So if your BPD misses some sessions, have another way of getting value from the time.

In the UK, there are various professional bodies that quality assure and also have online directories based on speciality. Which geography are you looking at ? In honesty you probably just need English speaking, because BPD  seem quiet universal. Good luck.   |iiii

Hi Moosemom:

The link below will take you to the Psychology Today, "Find a Therapist" page.  Once you enter a zip code (perhaps for yourself or your brother), you will be taken to a secondary page.  If you look to the left, on the 2nd page, you will find various categories to flag.  Towards the end of the page, there is an option to select video counseling.  Under "issues", you can click the "more" option and see a longer list that included BPD.  It might be strategic to find a video counselor who is close to one of you (perhaps the one most apt to seek an office visit at some point)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

I was warned by a therapist that group sessions tend to NOT be successful, as generally one person typically feels picked on and quits participating.  In your case, you might want to start out with just a joint session with you and your brother.  You can't change your mom, but you can change how you interact and react to her and set boundaries.

There could be value with you and your brother working together on using some skills and boundaries with your mom.  BPD Family has a lot of good workshops and tutorials for learning communication skills and strategies.  It could be a good strategy for you and your brother to study some target subjects before a therapy session and discuss/reinforce some of the strategies during video counseling (with real examples of your mom's behaviors). 

Just thinking that you and your brother could benefit from having your own joint sessions first.  Taking an opportunity to vent about your mom with a professional, and learning to manage your own actions, reactions and boundaries, might be a good first step.  It would be good for your and your brother to work through some thing before trying to get your mom in a session with both of you.

Perhaps, you can interview a couple video therapists and see what they suggest. Maybe you get in a few sessions, try some strategies and start to set boundaries first.  Then, bring mom into a session with you and discuss specifics.

Generally, therapy doesn't go well, when someone doesn't want to participate.   Starting out with the 3 of you might be a tough situation.