BPDFamily.com

Hi there - this place was recommended to me by our couples therapist in a one on one session.

I've been married to my wife for 11 years - we have to boys ages 2 and 5. I find that our relationship is constantly going through cycles - ups and downs. I could deal with it when it was just myself. I've always been the one to just quietly grit through situations, learn from them and move on. It is hard to move on when your relationship is on going and I am constantly walking on eggshells. Day to day the person I wake up to can be different. Some days it is depression. Some days it is manic behavior. Some days its just "normal".

Lately, she has been in a depressive state. Just me dealing with it isn't cutting it anymore. It is having a severe impact on my kids - particularly my oldest. I've been contemplating divorce but I need a guarantee that I'll be given sole custody of my kids. I am afraid to risk the chance of joint custody and leaving my kids alone with the erratic behavior from my wife.

I work from home. I'm the "breadwinner" of the family, but also maintain the household. I take care of all meals, laundry, household tasks. I feel like a single parent but have the constant stress of a partner who's mood can vary from moment to moment.

I don't even know if this is the right forum. Sometimes, it just helps to write it all down. Thanks for listening.

Welcome Go,

You are in the right place.  There is help, healing and hope here... .

When I first got here,  wanted to learn the tools.
I wanted to stop making things worse, you know.?
So,  learned to validate, timing on certain topics,
working on my attitude, getting help for my codependency, taking excellent self care... .  those things helped a lot.  I have been here since October last year.
Read here, post more, start learning about the tools, if you want.  You can do this at your own pace.  Sometimes it's too overwhelming to do everything at once.  Self care was big for me, cause I forgot how to do that.

Take it easy on yourself,

j

Hi Golorolo,

This is the right spot if you are interested in potentially bettering the relationship. There is also a legal section of the board you can check out here: Family Law, Co-parenting, Custody, Divorce (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0)

So you think there are elements of BPD, Bipolar and Depression? How is couples therapy going so far?

I am not an expert, and don't know what part of the world you are in, but I think it is very hard to get sole custody. (My SO's ex wife did an international child abduction and he wasn't able to get his kids back though he fought tooth and nail for them. It is shameful and shocking to me how little the legal system gave him actually, and how little he was recognized as adding anything meaningful to their lives aside from financial support. She managed to steal years and years of time that he and the kids should have had and nothing can ever repair that. This saga was a huge contributing factor to why he's so, he's not been so well... .well, he has a lot of symptoms and I gave him a lot of room because of this.) Keep in mind that we might want the legal system to do versus what it can and will do are often very different things.

In your case, it would be good to start documenting and preparing incase you do choose to take that path.

Anyway, reading over on that board and posting there if you like, should give you a lot of insights!

with compassion, pearl.