Print Page - Help for minor children of BPD motherz

I am a Certifies Addictions Counselor III
with 2+ year towards Masters in LMFT. I also wrote the manual for inpatient treatment facility for female felons. SO, I have a background in mental health. Reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" saved my sanity in 2011!

My husband's daughter, now 39yo, has had significant D&A pxs. We gave her cars, house full of furniture,which she "lost" (DUI's, DV charges, abusive relationships, self reported daily usage of extasty during early teen years, )
After a few attempts to have her live with us, we said no more. (She was 25yo) 1.5 years later she showed up with a 5mo daughter. We helped her repair some of the wreckage of her life, got her enrolled for GED and college (which she received huge scholarship.)
I stayed home and took care of her baby (at 55yo). For 7mo things were good, then she was upset about "not having a life." :)isappearing for nights and weekends while we cared for baby. At 9mo, she crashed husbands truck w .20 BAC. She couldn't stay because only 1car in rural area. I took care of baby, when we brought baby to her mothers-(exwife) house, daughter had "disappeared" again. Baby stayed with us.
She got into relationship with boy 7 years younger (20 yo) looking for a "daddy" for baby. She went to jail for failure to complete probation, walked out of jail and walked to courthouse and married this boy. Baby girl (3yo) still with us 4 or more days/week. She immediately became pregnant. We drove her to all MD appt, high risk pregnancy. Police called to apartment for DV many times. Within 5 mo of birth, he was discovered molesting 3yo girl. All moved back to our house.
Based on her total behavior, I did DSM differential diagnosis. Meets every criteria for BPD. With rage being defining factor.

She disappeared in 2011 for 1.5 years and unfortunately, we did not get legal custody of children, just raised them as our own.
Fast forward to 2016,-she met "wallet" bf, (8 yrs younger) and they took kids for xmas and told us " you are dead to me!"

As she had failed every time she attempted to raise kids, we waited 2.5 tortuous month before finally filing court order for custody. We have 13yo girl living with us, 9 yo lives with BPD mother. Monthly visitation for each 1weekend/month, granddaughter doesn't even want to see her mother anymore. Little boy misses us, but we see him as much as legally possible.

Even though it was part of court order, 9 yo boy only had 4 therapy sessions. Girl has been in weekly therapy with good therapist for 1 year.

In fairness, I kept meticulous records, good friends, teachers etc who wrote glowing recommendations. And superb legal team.

SO, MY QUESTION IS: what age appropriate resource material is available for this age children without BPD defined? I have checked everything on line and at bookstores and can't find anything... .

PLEASE HELP the past 13 years have been a nightmare. I just dont want these beautiful, smart children ruined by their mothers toxic behavior.

BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: Ccrider on May 18, 2018, 01:46:10 PM