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Title: Discarded : she seems to be spiraling, what do I do? Post by: SteadyRock on May 24, 2018, 08:49:49 PM Hi guys. I've been in a 5 yr relationship with my girlfriend(fiancee). Just before Easter I was discarded(6th or7th time). Not sure why it took me this long but I researched her behaviors . Everything pointed straight at BPD. She's been coming back around sporadically. I found out who my replacement person was and confronted her with this. Also at that point I mentioned that she may be affected by BPD. She cried all night and the next day, told me she needs help. I told her I'll be there with her through all. She seems to be spiraling ever since the day she left at Easter. The people she surrounding herself with. The behaviors, everything from what I gather. That being said, she's staying at her parents home sleeping on the couch. Which is also a very toxic environment. She isn't working at present. The vehicle she's driving is in both our names and the financing as well. I have informed the finance people that I will no longer make the payments, to please repo the car. I don't feel as though I should be the one paying the way(enabling) for her to be doung the things she's doing. I really want to help her but now she says she can fix herself. I only see her sporadically. What should I do? I really want to see her well!
Title: Re: Discarded : she seems to be spiraling, what do I do? Post by: pearlsw on May 25, 2018, 12:53:04 AM Hi SteadyRock,
Sorry you have been dealing with these discards. I know that must hurt terribly! Were you two living together? Semi living together? Sounds like her whole life is falling apart. It is not usually recommended to tell a partner about the disorder because that can be a trigger for them, be really confusing and scary, but it's out there now. Do you think there is a positive way to encourage her to get help? In my case my SO and I were open about it, but in my case he really looks to me for advice, so he listened, but the delivery and discussions had to very delicate and positive and hopeful. I did not want to make him feel flawed or unloveable or like things were hopeless. Here are some things you might want to read to help as you work your way through figuring out what to do: Being An Emotional Caregiver (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=173897.0) Supporting Your BPD Partner (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106134.0) How do you think she'll react when she finds out about the vehicle issues? with compassion, pearl. Title: Re: Discarded : she seems to be spiraling, what do I do? Post by: gilac on May 25, 2018, 04:01:43 AM Hi Steady
Telling your (ex) partner that he/she probably has BPD is kind of a mistake. I did it also, and it was devastating for her. I don't have much information, but I know that she didn't went to college that week, she went to her parents in our hometown and whenever we were texting each other after that she was very depressed and full of anger. I'm afraid that she was self harming again. Later she told me that she didn't got over my mail where I stated those things (but still did have feelings towards me among all that hatred). So, you must be aware that the wounds are deeper now because of that. She might distance from you no matter how much you are willing to help her. Be prepared if you tell her something encouraging and positive that she could respond in a very inappropriate way and insult you. It can feel very surreal. |