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A coworker and I sometimes vent to eachother on lunch breaks about our family. She doesn't care who hears what she says, whereas I usually wait until it's just her and I. With that stated, I know that I'm not betraying her by posting this.

Her husband died rather unexpectedly this week, heart attack. His family has always been problematic to him and her, mainly his siblings and mom. I'd say definitely borderline/Narcissistic stuff going on in the worst way. Her stories would knock my socks off.

Funeral was yesterday and she gave a eulogy. She talked about how he was always her protector and some other things about him. Not a dry eye in the room. But she tied in the protector part again at the end Of eulogy.  She concluded her eulogy by saying she will always stick up for him even though he's passed, she'll protect him, his name, his legacy and then the final "with all of this stated, I don't know why some of you are here - you spent your life mocking him at every chance you got, he was your scapegoat, the laughingstock, the uninvited family member. I won't call out the names, you know who you are. You can continue to stay if you choose,  but I'll have you know, you are on the do not let in list for his celebration of life."  She then turned to the casket and looked up in the air, and said, "yes, babe, I'm your protector now and I'll always have your back" and went to her chair.

Wow too. Good for her!

What's your take on this,  and how did it resonate with you to help you?

Hi Jennylove,

I am sorry your co-worker's husband died so unexpectedly this week, that must be very tough for her.

That eulogy was something else! She made a very clear statement there. Could you see how those family-members she was referring to reacted to what she said? Was there any talk about her eulogy after the service?

After her husband going through this for so long and then so suddenly passing away, I can definitely understand why she felt the need to address these matters.

WOW is right! I wish I had the chutzpah to set boundaries like that. Enough is enough I guess :)

WOW!  Good for her to have the guts to address the elephant in the room!  I can imagine that would be very freeing in the face of so much grief. 

I feel this way about my dad, who my BPD half brother "A" slandered and lied about for decades.  I finally went NC when he upped his game with the hate speech around the time my dad died - of an immune condition likely triggered by stress, which his marriage to my mother and her enmeshed relationship with A exacerbated.

I know A is mentally ill and I've learned after many years not to feel any way at all about him if I can manage it, but I'll never see or speak to him again - unless he breaks through the agnosognosia and gets help.  Luckily my mom finally did.