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Hi all - Just want to give an update.

H came this past Saturday to collect his furniture. It went smoothly. We hardly spoke a word to each other, which is what I was hoping for. He had his cousin with him to help move the dressers, so I think he was on his best behavior bc he didn't want to make himself look bad in front of him. I had decided to not have anyone there with me in the apartment, although my neighbors were around if any trouble arose. I felt that if I had someone there, he would feel I didn't trust him, and act out. In the past, whenever I expressed to him a lack of trust, it would trigger him and he would rage. I didn't want to take my chances that that would happen. It appears I played my cards right this time.  |iiii
Surprisingly, other than a sense of relief that it went well, I didn't feel much emotion about seeing him. He comes back at the end of June to get his TV, but that will be placed in the hallway, so I only have to buzz him into the building, and not let him into the actual apartment, so I won't have to see him. So it appears I will never see him again outside of a courtroom.

Although everything went as well as could be expected, I'm rattled today for a different reason:
H and I have remained friends on FB since he left. My reason for this was to watch for anything negative he might post about me, and to gauge his mental state as best I could based on his posts, so that I know what I'm dealing with. Well, this morning I noticed he is nowhere to be found on FB, so he must have blocked me. This is nerve racking. A few times in the past when we fought, he recorded my reactions (never his - only mine), which you can imagine were not pretty (such as my initial reactions to him telling me he cheated). He could easily post those videos on FB now and I'd have no way of knowing. I feel so powerless.

B2, how damaging could that be for you?  Do you want to tell us what you imagine he might do that to achieve?  Has he ever threatened this?  Let us know how you're doing and what you want to do, if anything.

Love and light x 

Hi bananas2,

I have to admit I wonder/worry at times what my current partner could do me to online if he became angry or vengeful. It is not easy. I imagine that feels pretty bad and scary. At one time I checked with lawyers here in the country we are in to see if there were options for me. I don't know if there are options for you, but you may want to look into that. I know it must seem hard. I had no idea who to talk to or what to do about potential cyber crimes.

I think all in all, sometimes we have no other choice but to let fears go rather than be ruled by them.

with much compassion, pearl.

Hi bananas2,


I can understand feeling powerless because you don't trust your H. I agree with pearlsw bananas2 uploading these videos would be worst case scenario? Maybe give it a couple of days and revisit this since you can't seem to find him online, you may feel / think differently then.

What do you do for self care?

Hey bananas2, Like Mutt, I can appreciate that you are stressed out by the thought that he could upload those videos, which is something out of your control.  Are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer?  I find it a good reminder that it's best to let go of things we can't change, while putting our energy where our power is, i.e., in the things within our control or ability to change (usually just oneself).  Maybe there's something you can do to change the unwanted outcome?  If so, get going and do it; if not, then let it go.

LuckyJim

Is his FB viewable by public, if so just have a look from a friend of yours account.

Him posting a video of you raging because he cheated will not exactly find much interest. This is just the new-age era we live in, based on what gets uploaded, someone is just likely to chuckle and press next video and its forgotten about.

I wouldnt be too concerned about this to the point of it unsettling me. The worst thing my ex could do is turn me into an internet porn star, its not her worth doing because she realises that it wouldnt bother me, I actually would enjoy the attention.

In terms of the law, theres not much you can do in practical terms, once these videos get shared they just mushroom outwards. They could get taken down he can just reupload or someone else can. Therefore, what id suggest is not even confronting him about your concerns or that it would bother you and forget about it and get on with life as normal, if it were to happen theres little to nothing to do about it anyway, as per LuckyJim's advice,

So not much point worrying yourself too much over.

How are you doing b2?  I think there's something to be said for not letting him know you have a concern about this.  Has he any awareness that this could be a sore point for you?

Looking forward to your update.

Love and light x