BPDFamily.com

My w is very black & white and often talks of breakup, but on the other hand puts me on a pedestal and says never leave me, never knowing true love and never being able to trust from a small child and now a senior. Not knowing about BPD a year ago.
Here's something of how she feels:
“The constant break-up; that is how it feels or the lack of feeling you have being Borderline.  Everyday, every moment; it feels like you just went through a heart wrenching break-up. You are hurt, angry, confused, lonely, empty, emotional, detached, and many other feelings that come and go and switch quickly. It is a very difficult way to live and at times it seems down right impossible, all you want to do is give up, and pray that the pain or emptiness will subside. No one understands (it seems), I don’t expect you to, either. Nothing you can learn in words only by experience. I feel hollow or empty, I have no past (no good memories), no real present because of the shaky sense of self-esteem and self-identity, and no sense of the future, because most times I doubt I’ll ever make it there. No medications to help heal this overwhelming pain, just coping strategies. Black and white thinking, not a quick fix there are many shades of gray between. Anger issues, a lot of people don’t see me as an angry person, because I don’t act it out often, but when I do; watch out! As for the rejection/abandonment, I will do just about anything to keep the people I have in my life because I am so afraid of being alone, that’s why all my friends are “users, losers, and abusers.” Emptiness is the hardest thing that I deal with… when there is nothing inside of you; it affects your whole life, your mood, actions, and relationships. People think I’m needy and I always dominate the conversation or am always interrupting, but they don’t get it. I NEED to talk, I NEED to interact, I NEED all of that to fill the great emptiness inside of me. I can entertain myself for about five hours now, which is quite an accomplishment because before I always needed people around me. Now I’m dissociating, it’s scary, but kind of comforting at least an escape from the constant pain.”

Strong opinions about right & wrong, strong feelings of guilt & shame & rejection, passionate anger about the ‘wrongs’ in upbringing and life and society, compassion for the lost, seeking perfection in everybody’s words & actions, seeking someone to truly trust and not to be hurt, a true friend, a true lover; cutting off and breaking up with others before being rejected,  Who loves me, who can I trust, how can I be loved, this world is broken, no one cares ... .

Yet, someone does love you and does care. Yes, we are all broken in some way and need someone to care. We were born to relate to each other, to love and be loved, for we are all created in love. I think Michael Curry sums it up really well:

. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmgbVFcxfSg

Hi Caleb, 

Have you ever heard of the book I Hate You, Don't Leave Me (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56740.0[b)? It's a book that might give you some insight into her black and white thinking.

 A pwBPD struggles to regulate emotionally. What do you do for yourself to help you stay healthy, especially when she is struggling?

Wools

Hi Wool

I pray, study the bible, journal, go for a walk, work 4 days per week. Meet others when I can, especially during week at work. Ask others to pray in periods of episodes.

I need other independent things to do, as does my BPD w.

Have many burnt bridges with friends, family and churches; continually looking to build/re-build. Some don't take offence well and build walls, especially of a family with young kids, which i get.

Hi Caleb, wow, what a thoughtfully written insight into the perspective of a pwBPD. It makes me feel more compassion for my while even though she is in a total campaign of hate against me this last week.

Seconding Woolspinner2000 in asking what you are doing to take care of yourself. Are any of your friends and family aware of the situation? Is there anyone you can talk to when things are too much for you to handle?

~ROE