BPDFamily.com

I haven’t posted in a while.  Sorry.  I’ve been focussing on my therapy and healing.  I’m getting there but it’s slow.  I’ve had 8 sessions.  I've been diagnosed with recurrent depression (severe), panic disorder and PTSD, and I was a happy woman until all this happened, so please never under estimate or under value your pain.  What we all suffered was abuse, regardless of how much they try to gaslight us into believe we are the mad ones.

My therapist has now told me that he refuses to diagnose my ex from a distance but believes that he is a Psychopath.  It almost took my breath away, how could I have fallen in love with an un-empathetic psychopath who still has a hold on me.  Oh yeah wait it’s because I’m an empath and they exactly how to manipulate and control.

I guess my point in posting is regardless of the personality disorder imposed I genuinely don’t thing the suffering from the victim, or should I say survivor differs.  My therapist also believes he'll be back, so they're all the same.  I get the odd email but haven't had one in a few weeks now.

They are all narcissists.  I would highly recommend this book, audio or paperback to everyone who has encountered a narcissist of any kind, it’s probably been the one book that has help me understand that none of this is my fault.  And it explains EXACTLY what happened to me.  Please try it.  Power, Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi.  

Hi.

Very sorry to hear just how damaging this relationship encounter has been mentally. I hope you feel safer now and the right environment to begin healing from it.

interested to hear if you are still together with him or have you left the relationship?

Hi Cromwell, no I left the relationship nearly 6 months ago.  I say left, I think essentially he left me.  A very explosive ending over a few weeks, involving, cheating, lying, stealing, manipulation, physical and sexual abuse.  I gave this man everything.  He had nothing.  Not a dime.

I haven't even contemplated dating another man since.  After our break up there was weeks / months of texts, emails, I love you to I hate you, contact, no contact, silent treatment.  Now I don't think he feels anything for me and it's heart breaking because he doesn't see the relationship the way I did.  I was just another woman to him I guess.  He's done with me.

I hate him, but for some reason my heart still belongs to him.  I guess that is part of the love bombing.  I'm working on myself and trying to understand that the man I fell in love with doesn't exist.  He mirrored me so much, so I guess the man I fell in love with was a version of me.

This relationship will change me forever.

Im sorry to hear that. Depression is though and I have panic disorder too I can relate with you mi e was there several years before I met my ex. It must be hard to take all of this in. Do you like the therapist? Do you find that it helps?

Hi Mutt, yes I had panic disorder too before I met my ex but it worsened after the discard.  I'm controlling my panic attacks, this is something that therapy (and exercise) has really helped me with.  I do like my therapist, we work on CBT and Mindfullness (at the moment) and I am self aware that this is a long process, but I have to do it for me.  My therapist believes he will come back and I need to be strong enough to reject him even if he seeks only a platonic friendship. 

I've learned that I'm an empath, I'm a little co-dependant and have a want to rescue people.  Saying no to anyone fills me with so much guilt. This all stems from an abusive childhood where I tried to rescue an alcoholic father who continually cheated on and beat my mother. 

I think these personality disorders are drawn to people like I describe above (me).  He knows I would have given him the world, in fact I did give him the world and succumbed to all his outrageous requests, and he still discarded me in the cruellest way.  The more I research these disorders the more text book his behaviour was.

It's strange at 40 years old I'm just discovering some people are genuinely evil.  They know what they are doing, and they don't want help... .so sad.

I agree with you that empathy and genuinely good people attract people that take from you it’s like an emotional black hole. I understand that it’s hard to fathom that some people just don’t want to help themselves and they’re not looking for solutions. Some people are are like that it’s sad the energy and love that you display to people that don’t reciprocate it, give yourself that love instead.

Im glad to hear that therapy is going good and that you’ve learned coping techniques.