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Title: Getting Through an Event Post by: phm on June 04, 2018, 01:20:37 PM I posted a while ago and have been managing ok with my wife who has a BPD dx. Recently her therapist also said she has narcissistic traits. That’s relevant because my son from my first marriage is is getting married soon.
She has expressed her feeling that she is a fifth wheel, not being respected or cared about by the bride and groom, & there will be guests at the wedding who she feels are abusive to her and she will not tolerate that. Add to that her feelings I do not stick up for her. The abuse she speaks of I have not seen, which also angers her. When she drinks, she get very combative and angry. So it could be a perfect storm at this wedding. I am looking for advice on how to balance recognizing her legitimate hurt feelings, while helping her cope in ways that don’t cause a huge scene at the wedding. Any help greatly appreciated. Title: Re: Getting Through an Event Post by: zachira on June 04, 2018, 01:36:59 PM You might ask her if she really wants to attend the wedding. It sounds like there is a real risk that she might ruin your son's wedding or cause significant distress and disappointment for the bride and groom. If you can somehow make it that your wife decides on her own to opt out of going to the wedding, that might be best for everyone concerned. If not, I don't know what to say, as you really can't control and predict her behavior. If she is going, I am sure there will be others on this board who will have some helpful suggestions. Keep us posted on your thoughts and what is going on!
Title: Re: Getting Through an Event Post by: phm on June 04, 2018, 01:44:37 PM You might ask her if she really wants to attend the wedding. It sounds like there is a real risk that she might ruin your son's wedding or cause significant distress and disappointment for the bride and groom. If you can somehow make it that your wife decides on her own to opt out of going to the wedding, that might be best for everyone concerned. If not, I don't know what to say, as you really can't control and predict her behavior. If she is going, I am sure there will be others on this board who will have some helpful suggestions. Keep us posted on your thoughts and what is going on! Not having her go is actually what I would prefer, given the circumstances. Would I like her to be there, and for us to have a great time together? Sure, but history has taught me that's not likely. Virtually the entire time I will be on guard to try to keep triggers away from her and stand watch over her. And then deal with what I believe is at least a 50/50 chance that she will be upset with me (to say the least). |