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Title: Feeling Stupid for placing faith in her Post by: DogMan75 on June 08, 2018, 12:31:51 AM Talked to her a little today. She’s seeing this guy. “Will never feel about him the way she felt about [me]”. Admits she botched our therapeutic separation. Would clearly have had sex with me Friday. Doesn’t want to let go of what she has right now to try with me, but may in the future.
Feeling like a sucker who thinks his BPDp is different. She’s not. Couldn’t be more typically BPD. Feeling like her backup plan now. I’d worked so hard. All for nothing. I feel ashamed for all the faith I’ve ever placed in her. I’m a damned fool. Title: Re: Feeling Stupid for placing faith in her Post by: pearlsw on June 08, 2018, 11:04:14 AM Hi DogMan75,
Hey, sorry to hear you are feeling so bad! I know much it hurts to not feel valued or respected. Can you explain more about the botched therapeutic session? Do you think you'll be maintaining a friendship with her? Still wishing you could get back together? take care, pearl. Title: Re: Feeling Stupid for placing faith in her Post by: DogMan75 on June 08, 2018, 04:14:59 PM Can you explain more about the botched therapeutic separation? Do you think you'll be maintaining a friendship with her? Still wishing you could get back together? She didn’t really do anything different during our separation. She’d still lash out at me regularly, not using any skills to control herself, even when I’d respond with patience and compassion. In my absence, she would add to her list of problems with me, why I was not an adequate match for her. She even regressed back into physically assaulting me, which she hadn’t done for a long time, if not years. She never read the book that the therapist had required us to read before accepting us as clients. After one full year of things getting worse rather than better, I had no choice but to leave, but she characterizes it as me abandoning her. She says she now regrets not utilizing that time, but just blames other stress factors in her life, like school or family problems. I can’t just be her friend while she dates other people. I can’t. It’s just too painful. I would love to get back together with her if she could change, but without changing, I can’t go back to living like that. She’s been doing DBT for a year, but still denies her BPD (when not disregulated -emotional permanence). Despite it all, I still love her. But until she owns her disease, there’s just nothing I can do. If I could see some progress, I’d try again in a heartbeat. Title: Re: Feeling Stupid for placing faith in her Post by: Catlady3.14 on June 09, 2018, 09:43:42 AM I certainly understand your feelings... I'm sorry you're going through so much pain.
I'm a newbie here and just learning to cope. But there are a lot of people here^ pearl being one^ that have been kind and extremely helpful. It helped me to tell my story. And read as much material as possible. You'll get a lot of support here. Are you still going to therapy for yourself? |