BPDFamily.com

Hello. I'm new to this forum. I've never reached out online before. I started therapy 3 years a go and I've been on a journey to  understand and recover from my Mother's BPD and find a way to have a bearable relationship with her. I've put up a lot of boundaries and been trying to have a "tea party" relationship with her for the past 3 years. She's caught on and the more I boundary up lately, the worse she responds. I feel like I might finally be ready to give up and cut her out of my life. However, my 3 year old has developed an attachment to her. I'm wondering if anyone else here has struggled with this kind of relationship and decision. How do you end a relationship with a parent?

What kinds of behaviors does she exhibit which have become unbearable?

Hi amazonmama and welcome. 

There are many members who have chosen to end a relationship with their pwBPD (person with BPD) posting on this board.  Some people have chosen to tell their parent they no longer want contact and others have chosen to slowly reduce contact over time.  Then we have people who have chosen LC (limited contact).  LC can take many forms from email only to holidays and a few calls a year to very structured contact with hard boundaries.  The latter is the way I chose to go.

It is not uncommon at all for the pwBPD to increase their negative behaviors when we change our roles and start implementing boundaries thereby removing any reinforcement we may have given them.  When this happens it is called an extinction burst.  You can read more about that here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=85479.0;all .

Do you think that is what you are running into with your mother?  If so, it is important that you stay firm in your boundaries.  If you are not consistent in boundary enforcement it can lead to intermittent reinforcement which is explained in post 2 of the above referenced thread.

I am glad you found us.  There are a lot of people here who understand and can support you in your efforts.