BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone

After ten years living w pw BPD, untx, do i need therapy to have a normal r/s w a non.

I want to go on.  I want to be happy.

I still think about him all the time, every day.
j

As soon as I read your title my thought was "I don't even need to read the details - the answer is 'yes'".  :)

I can't think of anyone who couldn't benefit from therapy, as long as they find a good therapist and have a decent starting point goal for the therapy. 

What would your goal for therapy be?  To stop thinking about your xpwBPD?  To understand why that relationship failed?  To understand why you were attracted to him?  Stayed with him?  Left him?  Therapists can help you develop/evolve your therapeutic goals, but it's good to have a starting point problem statement.

Finding a good therapist is also key.  Do you have specific values that you want your therapist to understand/respect?  Do you feel comfortable exploring difficult/shameful feelings and experiences with them?  Do you feel comfortable with their style and pace?

We aren't therapists, but sometimes it can help to share your thoughts and questions here.  There have been a number of times when I have spent a portion of my therapy session sharing what I worked out by reading/posting here. 

Best Wishes,
BeagleGirl

Thanks beagle.  We had gone to couples counseling w a really great T, she had experience w BPD, which was huge. My s.o. did admit he was dxBPD at that time, he since has said its ptsd... .at any rate, our T said that he does have BPD, she confirmed that after a few visits.  So, since she knows him, i would want to see her. 
As far as goals, i really dont know.  I am so mixed up, especially this weekend,  he emailed me saturday, in the hosp w severe dehydration, renal failure, chest pain, prob breathing... .
i ended up going there, to drop off a plant at the nurses station, and met him on the elevator.  He wanted us to go sit outside in the sitting area.  He starts talking about, i surprised him.  I got defensive, and was like, just wanted to drop the plant off, it would brighten up his room, was going to leave it at the nurses station, she said for me to put it in your rm, you were out... went into JADEing.  He is always making me wrong!
At least i didnt apologize.  I did say, should i leave now.?not mean, just trying to understand... .

Its hard when nothing you do is right.  Thats our dynamic.  He has to make me wrong.  I finally saw what hooks me... .  i cant believe i was so dumb for so long... .!

Long story.  Two weeks ago, i did meet a very nice man. He has taken me on two dates, nice dinners.  He and i have a great time together, we have talked about a lot of things.  I did mention that am in 12step for co dependency, told him that because it is an important part of my life... .
And he has shared personal stuff w me, we have a good friendship and chemistry.  I am afraid to get into another r/s right now, being so mixed up!

Thank you for reading this and supporting me, j

Hi,  juju2. 

Allow me to join BeagleGirl in supporting you!  And congrats on taking a first step toward getting into therapy by reaching out here.


Yes!    I hear you!  (Me too.)


I hear this, too, and can relate very much to reaching a crossroads in life and needing some extra help.  It sounds like you had a good experience with your couples counselor in the past.  Is she someone you could reach out to for a referral to an individual therapist?  Or maybe you've already identified someone you want to work with?  Let us know where you are in the process.  We are here to listen.

Hi

The T has already told me she can see me.
When we stopped going to couples counseling,
she said, if i need to come in she will be able to help me.  And so, since she knows both of us and has experience w BPD, am thinking going to her would be ideal for me... .what do you guys think.?

Thank you, j

I highly recommend it. She will work on how this all came to be, and I also found that ours has been almost prophetic. She's worked with so many BPD/NPD folks that she has prepared me for exactly how this all unfolded. It's been eerie but helpful.

I saw a different counselor with a different focus for awhile, and that made a difference too.

I see the therapist my dBPDxh and I saw for marriage counseling. I find it very helpful to have someone who witnessed his behaviors and our relationship dynamics first hand.

juju2  


I join the others in supporting your initiative. There's a tremendous amount of suggestion that caregivers of a BP have a T to adjunct their living with the BP, so you aren't alone there. It can all be quite complex and having a T to keep you on track can be a welcome addition to a group of support people.

I hope you're enjoying your peace.  :)

Hi family,  thank you all for your support.
So on one of my posts, i wrote, met a new man, he is wonderful, i like him a lot.  It is so cool to be treated great.  His life is that he had two long term r/s, both very loving.  He has family in town, he is close to them.  He has long term employment, owns his house.  He really looks like a non to me.  I am really enjoying the time we spend.  Good restaurants, flowers, he is kind.  He already said he wants me to go on vacation w him.  So i am taking it very slow.  Very.  And see what happens.

Thank you all for being travelers on this journey with me.  j