BPDFamily.com

Four years ago I came to this site in EXTREME pain. My ex of two years all of a sudden just “vanished” without even telling me goodbye. That was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I started having thoughts like everything was my fault and she was doing much better without and having the time of her life. We still haven’t spoken and I don’t want too. My point is, she is still the same miserable broke woman without a job as she was with me. Four years later my investment properties are  thriving, I am doing great in life and I’m actually in a relationship now that is so incredibly awesome. What helped me the most, is that I didn’t blame EVERYTHING on her. I asked myself why would you allow that type of disrespect? Why would I allow someone to have that control over me? What does that say about me? My point is fix yourself. Make yourself BETTER. Don’t ever give another person that control. I’m not mad at her anymore. As a matter of fact I laugh about her actions now. I mean it is kinda funny that I was that ignorant to the signs. Just fix yourself and let karma sort out the rest.

Hi hurting300,

Thanks for that inspiring message.  :)

Still haven't talked, wow.

How are things with you and your child?

Skip

Hi Hurting,

So nice to hear your good news  |iiii  When you're "in it" it all seems so hard, but look at you now!

Wishing you well,
Panda39

Hi, hurting300!  Thanks for checking in. It sounds like you're doing and feeling great!   |iiii

I hear that you've made some big strides re: financial success and your new relationship.  (Congrats, by the way!)

What do you see as the next step for you re: your personal growth?

Thats great to hear!

If I may ask, what did you learn from your relationship with your expBPD and how did you implement that with your current relationship?

Would love to hear this, and I feel this could help people who are hoping to start new r/s in the future and how to have healthy ones.

Thanks!

Hi hurting300,

Your post gives others hope. You had primary custody of your son right?

Hey guys. It’s my daughter actually, what I learned is how NOT to be Co-dependent that’s the key. You can’t let another human dictate your emotions. My best advice is take it day by day and work on yourself. Then find another relationship and watch for signs.

Hi 300,
you learned a lot, you healed, you went thru a lot too.

What are the signs you ignored, and how did you know that your current r/s was going to be incredible.?  Thank you, j

Juju 2... .When you find yourself doing most everything in a relationship ie: paying for everything, showing emotions and getting nothing in return. Those are huge red flags that isn’t necessarily BPD but relationships are always 50/50.

Towards the latter of my rs, this is how I felt too. Paying for movies, dates, food, everything. Having to ask her if she can pay this time then feeling guilty for asking her because she calls you cheap at times but it’s actually self projection of herself.

I paid for her on my own bday just so we spend time together. Last time we saw each other on mutual terms.

You need a partner who is willing to take turns or make sacrifices. It needs to be 50/50. Good statement hurting  |iiii Sometimes it’s okay for the dynamics to shift but not all the time. No one should settle for less or be taken advantage of. It’s so easy to push aside the red flags just for a boost of dopamine we think is love.

I have full custody of my daughter now. I do not talk to her. I am in a loving relationship and getting married. I’m actually to the point that I can see the thing I did wrong in the relationship. But this site helped me more than anything. 2014 is in the past.

Good to hear.

glad to hear you are doing well   

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage   and for gaining full custody of your daughter.   This is fantastic news I'm so very happy for you.

You're to the point that you can see the thing you did wrong in the relationship. What was that hurting300?

WDx

I am so very pleased for you and your daughter!  Thank you for sharing your wonderful news.