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I have successfully distanced myself from him. I no longer spend countless days and  nights tormenting myself on how I could have done this or that differently to make things better between us. I recognize that our visions of a relationship are completely different. And I accept it and can move on.

Recently, I decided that I don't need to avoid him anymore. I'm proud of the progress I've made in not reacting, not responding, not engaging. I don't owe him an explanation and whatever he has to say, I'm no longer interested.

What I don't understand is that he continues to call me when it's most covenient for him--odd hours, when he's "missing me", when he's horny (the latter two examples are based on my previous experiences with him) etc. and he will not leave a message. I feel like he's just checking to see if my phone will ring or if I will pick up. Any ideas on why he does this?

I realize that it seems like I'm still stuck by posting here, especially with such a question rooted in his behavior. While it may seem contradictory to the content of the first two paragraphs, I ask that readers understand how it is indeed possible to recover, move on, and still want to re-examine BPD. I have invested a lot of time and energy into understanding the disorder, and I feel that the more I can address without getting emotionally involved the more I can intellectually grasp the illness for what it is.

Hi Getoverit,

It's fine to work out what you need to! No judgement here!

My basic take is he is not over you and is putting contact feelers out. Contact is a habit that is hard to break.

Have you said not to contact you or were you just hoping he would stop?

He may or may not give up though... .What do you do then?

take care, pearl.

HI Pearl. Thank you for your kind message. I have been telling him to stop contacting me for months and the makeup breakup cycle has persisted for over a year and a half now. He will tell me how much he doesn't like me, all the things that are wrong with me (in his opinion) and how I'm the cause of all his pain. He will also tell me in the same conversation (that is him rambling or texting like a mad man) that I'm special and his only love that he cannot live without. I realize now that he says these things when he's feeling desperate and feeling emotional. I recently confirmed that he has been lying to me about many things, and it was the final straw. Evrn when admitting that he lied, he was arrogant, unapologetic and accused me of being obsessed with him. I don't care to correct his opinion of me anymore. I just want him to leave me alone and never contact me again. I firmly believe that what he's not over is not me as a romantic interest but rather the many truths that uncover his phony self. Everything really is all about him.

From your other posts about this guy he sounds far more NPD (i.e. they can't help abusing until you're psychologically crushed - if allowed to). BPD is bad enough but he just sounds too malevolently, abusively consistent by their standards. IMO, he is looking to engage you for 'supply'. He's no longer invested enough to 'actively' persue /abuse but if he can hook you back into interacting you have use.

Hope you stay away as much as humanly possible : )

Dear getoverit

He needs fuel, and any reaction he gets from you gives him that. It does not matter if its positive or negative. Every emotional reaction from you makes the trauma bond stronger. He is desperate because he is afraid of losing his supply. I dont think he will stop.

He will never admit his faults. He can not do that, because it would break his narcissistic bubble, which equals death to him.

Edit: I agree with forearmed. He sounds like narcissist sociopath.

Well said, MaybeMaybeNot !

Hi Getoverut,


I’d feel very frustrated and angry if my exuBPDw was still contacting me a year and a half later. You probably already know that BPD is an attachment disorder a pwBPD don’t completely detach from you.

What do you mean by make up and break up cycle? Do you mean that you’ve been recycling for a year a half?


Have you contacted the police or a lawyer? What advise did they give you?