BPDFamily.com

So I suspect my grandmother to have BPD or something. She's always been manipulative. Played victim card. Lies for no reason at all.

She paints my grandpa black to everyone.

he pulled me aside the other day and just vented. He drinks and is an alcoholic. i think its because of her and also ptsd from pretty much having a military lifestyle.

He told me how he has no one. how she ruined his r/s with everyone. How she tells everyone he hits her when he doesnt.

She's also lied to family members where we treat her bad and abuse her. how we do all these things to her. She plays victim.

Everything my grandpa vented to me, I went through with my BPDex. we are in our early 20's. my grandparents are in their late 70/80's. And yet both people with the mental disorder, act exactly the same.

Ive enforced a very strict boundary with my grandma. I dont acknowledge her or say anything to her. Sometimes I respond but thats it. there has been no fights with her for months now. My grandpa even sees it.

I resent her. She gossips all day on the phone, talks bad about everyone. She has driven so many family members away from us. She just lies and lies.

My whole life, she would either call me names and tell me how my dad left and i would cry. then blame me for being against her and how she did all this for me and raised me while my single mom was at work. She is so despicable. Then she bribes me with money and this is what i got accustomed to.

I got accustomed to living a life that I have to do things for people in order for them to see my value. I am now retraining myself and seeing my self worth.

another thing, I believe my Father might have been a narc. he always only acared about himself. he had a secret wife and kid across the country. then left when I was 5. The courts made him see me once a week, and every week he made it a burden to see me. Complaining about the gas. he gave me a 10$ allowance. if i went over then we wouldnt eat or I would eat rice in his apartment.

he also would complaing how my mom was getting all this child support and he wants to see me less so he can work more. Then he found someone new and she didnt like me. Then he stopped seeing me for her. Then years later he came back and did the love bombing. handed me 20$ and disappeared again. Then I tracked him down years later to move in with him for school because my family moved across the country. He said yes and I appleid to school and was ready to move. then he said not to come anymore and stopped talking to me.


It feels amazing letting this out. I hate talking about family and I hate my father, and resent my grandmother.

 I also noticed that my rs with these two people, have affected my rs with new people and why i get in toxic rs and accept bad behaviors. I am now working on making changes to be a better person and not allow any form of abuse or mistreatment.

Hey Mr CryWolf,

The behaviour you describe certainly does shaw up your assumptions.  Your father's behaviour is appalling, you would have to lack empathy to do that. I hope you realise it wasn’t personal. Have you grieved the father you should have had ? All kids deserve a functional father, I guess we weren't so lucky.

And your grandmother does sound very BPD and your grandfather a typical BPD partner. But on the up side, you’ve picked it up early in life and have plenty of time to adjust and heal. And another plus is because BPD/NPD behaviour is so symptomatic, it makes it easier to figure out what adjustments are needed.
 
So now you know all this, what’s your plan going forward ?

Hi CryWolf and welcome to this side of the boards, though I am sorry you fit in... .hope that makes sense. 

As you know, we can't say if your grandmother had BPD but her behaviors seem to fit a common pattern that's for sure.  You said "We are in our 20's".  Who is we?  Do you have siblings?  Can you tell us about what happened to make you not speak to your grandmother?  Your father... .what to say there?  What you related here is cruel and hurtful.

I am glad you have made the connection between the people you choose to have in your life now with your childhood.  It is all related.  As painful as it is and as much as you hate to talk about your family, it is good that you are doing so.  You can do a lot of healing and exploring here and as you do we can support you.  It is hard work but you are worth it for sure.  And I am glad you are seeing that too!

Welcome CryWolf to the far side of the board.  :)

So glad to have you come on over, but as Harri indicated, we're sorry for the pain that has brought you here. You've gotten a warm welcome from Harri and HappyChappy.

I think it's awesome that you are becoming so self aware!  |iiii We are always glad to listen and support you as you continue forward on this journey to healing.

Keep posting!
Wools